Chaos Ensues After Student Declares the Floor is Lava During Career Fair
By: Jacopo Inboden
BLOOMINGTON, IN— Mayhem recently broke out at a Kelley School of Business Career Fair after an unidentified passerby declared that the floor was lava, making this the fifth time the game has taken over a career fair since the fad entered the mainstream in the late 90’s. The chaos completely halted all functionality of the fair, as students and recruiters alike scrambled to gain higher ground in order to escape the imaginary 2,000 degree inferno which was slowly engulfing their feet.
Survivor Bart Hutchens described the scene to Flipside reporters after having made his escape.“It was terrifying. I was talking to a P&G representative about coming to work for them full time after this school year ends, and the next thing I knew he had pushed me to the floor and was shrieking like a pre-pubescent girl as he climbed onto the table. I can’t blame him though—I mean, the guy had a family.”
Sources confirm that the unfortunate job applicants left stranded on the floor during the event were declared “out” and forced to leave the room so that those who managed to escape the make-believe volcano could continue their game. Among those sharp enough to remain in the game were veteran recruiters Tom O’Neil and Claire Johnson, who painted a vivid picture of what these events mean to the companies who were present.
“We like to use this sort of spontaneity to judge how potential recruits respond to pressure,” O’Neil told reporters. “Typically, the number of students who survive is about half the number of the recruiters, but that number really came up this year. Looks like we have a lot of great prospects for our summer sales position.”
When asked about her decision to kick a confused man in the face with her three-inch heel as he attempted to climb onto their table, Johnson made it clear where her priorities lie: “We didn’t have room, and I wasn’t going to let Tom fall off of our 3’x3’ haven. Not after what happened to Stacy in 2014.”
**Flipside would like to dedicate this article to the memory of reporter and Kelley student Ben Dover, who tragically lost his internship offer after a potential employer tripped him and called him a pussy.