Kentucky Land Values Skyrocket in Anticipation of Becoming Ocean-front by 2020
By: Hermynn Bae Wells
In anticipation of global climate change ravaging our dear Mother Earth, realtors and future homeowners have jumped at the astounding opportunity for real estate. While other parts of the U.S. are expected to be experiencing flood and drought-like conditions, Kentucky natives are bracing to be the owners of prime beachfront property.
“I can’t wait to invest my time in beach shops selling monogrammed surfboards,” said saloon owner Sue Ellen Swampton, completely unaware of the gravity of the environmental situation. “I always reckoned that I can’t really afford gas nowadays to drive down yonder to the beach, I’m better off here in Kentucky. But God heard my cowgirl prayers and is bringing the beach to me!”
Aside from the millions of displaced Americans, the growing popularity of Kentucky is hard to ignore. In particular, investors have expressed verbal interest in the soon-to-be shores, as the future plethora of underwater cities has provided the opportunity to just build bigger, better ones.
According to recently unemployed climate scientists, the new beachfront city of Lexington, Kentucky will only be a short drive of seven hours from the new Disney World, located in Montgomery, Alabama—the happiest place on Earth.