Area Freshmen Raid Chemistry Building in Search of Acid
By: Robben DeCash
BLOOMINGTON, IN–With Little 500 on the horizon, freshman couple Rachel Morgan and Jacob Feinberg recently executed a raid of Indiana University’s chemistry building looking for Lysergic Acid Diethylamide, more commonly known as Acid.
“As freshman, we have like, zero connections to drug dealers on campus and someone at Wells Library was all like, they got shit loads of strong acids in the Chemistry building,” said Feinberg. “I had never tried psychedelics before, but she finally convinced me when she told me the sex would be amazing,” he added staring intensely at the veins on his wavings hands.
The raid on the Chemistry Building took place a few nights ago and led to a score better than either could have imagined, as both students were tripping their balls off by the end of the night. The couple claimed they simply walked into their marked lab and took the drugs, since literally nothing is ever locked at Indiana University. “Shit happens,” said Dr. Ezekiel Thomas, professor of biochemistry and “researcher” of psychoactive drugs. “It really sucks that they took my stuff, but karma will end up getting them in the end.”
Morgan and Feinberg were last heard screaming at the colorful screensaver on Feinberg’s laptop, while Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side Of The Moon” finished its fourth consecutive loop.