Carmel to Become One Giant, Sentient Network of Roundabouts
By: Jonathan Pollock
CARMEL, IN – At a news conference earlier today, Carmel mayor James Brainard announced his plan to make his city into one gigantic self aware network of roundabouts by the year 2025.
“This is the most important advancement towards the singularity that I’ve seen in my 20 years in office,” stated Mayor Brainard. “Every roundabout, every double roundabout, hell, every triple roundabout that my administration has constructed in our city has been one more step towards this great aim.”
The plan involves the construction of a roundabout at any stoplight, stop sign, or driveway within the Carmel city limits. Phase II of the project would be the installation of machines that would govern how people enter and exit all roundabouts based on their final destinations. These machines would be unified under an artificial intelligence developed by Cyberdyne Systems. Aptly named Systematic Kinesthetic Intelligence to Network Emerging Traffic 9000, or SkiNet 9000, the self-aware network would be able to direct cars through the “frankly ridiculous number of roundabouts,” claims system creator David Michael Vincent.
“Theoretically, SkiNet would be able to accommodate the high quantity of cars trying to navigate through Carmel’s… unique infrastructure. However, when dealing with an intelligent machine of this magnitude, it’s important to avoid potential catastrophe. That’s why this is only an interim solution. We built this superfluous amount of infrastructure as a quick fix until everyone in Carmel buys a flying car”
Top analysts suspect Carmellites will be flipping each other off in air-traffic by the end of 2018.