Local Student Somehow Already 3 Weeks Behind in Readings
By: Bismo Falcor
BLOOMINGTON, IN — Last Tuesday, local Sophomore Anna Henderson panicked in the middle of her history class, following the realization that she was already 3 weeks behind in her readings.
“I honestly have no idea how this happened,” said Henderson taking the receipt out of her book. “We’ve literally only had 3 classes so far, how is this even possible?”
Her classmates have been less than impressed with her performance in class discussion.
“Honestly, I just don’t get why she can’t do the readings like the rest of us? She tries to keep up with discussion, but it’s obvious she’s barely 150 pages into the book.” said classmate Joey Hoffman, who had the misfortune to be placed in same group as Henderson.
Henderson, however, claims that she “looked at the syllabus a few times” and approached professor Ronald Terrance, hoping for an explanation.
“It appears Henderson is suffering from a common affliction that plagues students early in the semester. After years of watching them struggle, I’ve named this phenomenon. I call it ‘being fucking lazy’. It’s truly tragic to see students fall victim to this ailment year after year.
Following her diagnosis, Henderson stated “This is so embarrassing, I never want this to happen again.”
At press time, she was found buying books for next semester to keep up with her readings in future classes.