Local Funeral Home Holds Woke For Dabbing
By: Jonathan Pollock
BLOOMINGTON, IN — Late yesterday, local Bloomington funeral home Memery & Dank hosted a woke for Dabbing. “It’s been a hard year for memes,” said Quavo, one of the Dab’s oldest supporters. “When we all first met Dabbing, I thought it was here to stay. You just never know, ya know?”
The meme, which had been on its last legs for most of 2017, took a turn for the worst in early 2018. “It just couldn’t recover from the election,” said Ellen. “I take full responsibility for Mrs. Clinton’s ill-advised attempts at Dabbing on my television show. I… I just wish we’d left on better terms.”
After Ellen’s heartfelt sentiments, all eyes turned to NFL quarterback, Cam Newton.“Dabbing helped me get through a hard time in my life,” he said, “When I was looking for a new touchdown dance, Dabbing was right there every step of the way. No one thought it would get popular, become ironic to do, then come back around full circle before it slowly petered out of relevance. But it did, and we were all better off for it.”
The last proponent of the Dab who spoke was 11 year old Sammy Harris. “On hearing the news, I was devastated. Last year we lost the Whip and Nae Nae, and that was tough enough. But, the Dab? I thought… I guess I thought the Dab had a few more years. It’s just… it’s good to know it’s in a better place now” said Harris, sobbing.
Throughout Harris’ speech, Logan Paul was reportedly seen in the back row of the event, alternating between bouts of crying and making desperate prayers to the “Big Fidget Spinner in the Sky.”