9 Signs Your Professor Decided to Fail You on Day 1
- He Continually Mispronounces Your Name as “Fuckhole McGee”
If he does it once, you know it’s not a big deal. Everyone struggles with names, especially in the beginning of the semester. But, if he’s calling you Fuckhole McGee every time? You might as well drop the class and take the ‘W’ while you still can!
- He Makes You Spend the Entire Class in the “Dunce Corner”
Usually, the dunce corner is reserved for tardiness and plagiarism, but if he makes you sit there because he “didn’t like the voice in your last paper,” he’s definitely making a statement, and not in passive voice!
- He Accuses You of Plagiarism Before Ever Assigning an Essay
If you get an email from the Dean’s office requesting a meeting on the second week of classes, your professor just might hate you. It’s tough to fight off plagiarism charges, particularly when they claim that you answering questions aloud in class was too similar to the textbook.
- He Cyberbullies You Through Canvas
Cyberbullying is an awful thing, but it should always be reserved for Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. If your professor is calling you an asshole through Canvas, it must mean he really hates you!
While this subtle hint does leave some room for interpretation, one can possibly infer that this is your professor’s way of expressing his distaste for you. However, if this happens to you, you should feel lucky that he expressed this outside the realm of the classroom, thus saving you from humiliation. While you are indeed going to fail, if this is all you have to deal with, it might be worth riding it out!
- He Features Your Most Embarrassing Photos on His PowerPoint Slides
If the Powerpoints he prepares for the class are filled with awkward photos of you picking your nose in the 8th grade, this might be a rough semester in his class. This is his way of showing you that he has very little respect for you, which will DEFINITELY be evident on your transcript.
- He Replaces Your Desk With a Stool
If you walk into the classroom, and your assigned seat has been replaced with a stool that has a note reading “for idiots only,” you can be certain he has already made up his mind. Have fun, and bring a seat cushion!
- He Gives You Your Own Personal Grading Scale
Your professor can’t just give you an F if you’re completing all of the assignments. However, he can always get around this by grading you independently of how he grades others! If you find yourself needing a 95% in order to get a D, you are probably screwed!
- He Divorces Your Mom
Let’s be real here, it was probably all your fault, and now you’re only going to be able to see your dog every other weekend.
- He Throws a Brick Through Your Apartment Window With a Note Saying, “Don’t Come to Class Tomorrow!”
This is the best case scenario. Be sure to send him a sincere email thanking him for being so upfront with you, and then spend the insurance money on the $8 class drop/add fee.