By: Jake Spear

BLOOMINGTON, IN — Following his first meeting Chi Alpha meeting, Freshman Jim Hesler spoke with Flipside reporters expressing his surprise at Greek life on IU campus. “Going to a Big 10 party school like IU, I was expecting Greek life to be more interesting,” said Hesler, staring longingly at a group of people playing basketball outside the Delta Chi house. He continued, “And I heard their only hazing is to dunk you under water a couple of times. Do they even drink here?”

Hesler’s friend, Phil Thomas, who attended the event with him also seemed to believe that Chi-Alpha was a fraternity stating, “We spent most of the time holding hands, and I understand the need for brotherhood, but I just felt a bit uncomfortable, couldn’t we just have held each others’ dicks or something?”

Flipside also spoke with Chi Alpha member Jon Babbist, who was the leader of their study group. “Jim and Phil both seemed really nice, I was excited to share the word of Christ with them; they seemed a little confused though. After communion they seemed disappointed, and they came up to me suggesting we play slap the bag with the communion grape juice.”

When prompted on whether he would go back Hesler said, “I just really wanted to meet the frat president, Jay Zuess. They kept telling crazy stories about him. Apparently, when he goes to a party there’s enough wine to last for days. Everybody said he’d be back in 3 days, but I haven’t met him yet and I’m starting to wonder whether he actually exists.”