By: Cleetus Haversham<\/p>\n
BLOOMINGTON– Following the trail of blood and feathers leading from Gresham Dining Hall to the Foster Hall B Tower, Bloomington PD recently apprehended freshman Justin Stevens, for operating a cockfighting ring in his dorm room. BPD was forced to ultimately release Stevens without charges after he pointed out a legal and contractual loophole in the roommate agreement allowing him to run a lucrative cockfighting ring out of their shared room.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m glad that the campus allows this dubious loophole. I just feel like this gives us a sort of cultural catharsis. The Romans had their gladiator battles, the NFL is really just televised violence. Personally, I just want to watch chickens rip each others\u2019 throats out,\u201d said Sophomore John Falstiff to our on-site reporter. \u201cThere\u2019s always the risk of salmonella, you know, because of the chicken blood everywhere, but we really get to live in the moment and immerse ourselves in an agrarian pastime.\u201d<\/p>\n
His roommate disagreed, stating, \u201cIt\u2019s super fucked up. I asked the RA about it, and apparently, he\u2019s been doing this since Welcome Week.” He continued, sweeping up a few of the feathers, “I thought he was just playing video games, but the one time I actually stayed up past midnight, I found a bunch of sweaty old men throwing cash onto a pile as a chicken bleeds through its cloaca.\u201d<\/p>\n
When pressed for comment, the RA Sam Howitzer told us he was unable to comment on the legality of the matter, but that, \u201cCluckers has been on a hot streak.\u201d<\/p>\n
Prompted about the ethics of his cockfighting ring Stevens said, \u201cPlease, I\u2019m a Sustainable Business major. The chicken is all locally sourced, and the losers are donated to Charley Biggs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Cleetus Haversham BLOOMINGTON– Following the trail of blood and feathers leading from Gresham Dining Hall to the Foster Hall B Tower, Bloomington PD recently apprehended freshman Justin Stevens, for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1022,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1021","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cockfighting_rig.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-gt","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1151,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/08\/27\/breaking-area-student-unable-to-sleep-without-sound-of-roommate-loudly-masturbating\/","url_meta":{"origin":1021,"position":0},"title":"BREAKING: Area Student Unable to Sleep Without Sound of Roommate Loudly Masturbating","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"August 27, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By:\u00a0Cleetus Haversham BLOOMINGTON, IN \u2013 After moving from his dorm in Teter to an off-campus apartment, sophomore Lucas Redding finds himself struggling to sleep without his roommate\u2019s loud nightly masturbation. It\u2019s just hard to feel fully relaxed without my roommate loudly jacking off on the other side of the room,\u201d\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/Mobile_Symptoms101_header2_OccasionalSleeplessness_Image1.jpg?fit=640%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/Mobile_Symptoms101_header2_OccasionalSleeplessness_Image1.jpg?fit=640%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/Mobile_Symptoms101_header2_OccasionalSleeplessness_Image1.jpg?fit=640%2C300&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1251,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/10\/18\/breaking-roommate-talks-about-that-one-guy-from-that-thing\/","url_meta":{"origin":1021,"position":1},"title":"BREAKING: Roommate Talks About “That One Guy” from That Thing","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"October 18, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Picov Andropov BLOOMINGTON, IN \u2013 Trying to break the ice with his roommate, Forest Resident, Sam Tobin, attempted to talk about \"that guy from that thing he saw that one time\". Last Thursday, after hitting his Juul\u2122 and dismounting his Bird\u2122, Tobin entered his dorm room, and asked his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/44308411_2216283328653605_3721937818839154688_n.jpg?fit=640%2C905&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/44308411_2216283328653605_3721937818839154688_n.jpg?fit=640%2C905&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/44308411_2216283328653605_3721937818839154688_n.jpg?fit=640%2C905&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":496,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/11\/14\/top-7-bloomington-eats-for-when-that-fucking-fuckface-breaks-your-goddamn-heart\/","url_meta":{"origin":1021,"position":2},"title":"Top 7 Bloomington Eats for when that Fucking Fuckface Breaks your Goddamn Heart","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 14, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Hermynn Bae Wells Square Donuts Let\u2019s be real, girl\u2014he was a square anyway. Let the delicious taste of fried dough take you to a time before the thought of being single and dying alone kept you awake at night. BUB\u2019s Big Ugly Burgers For a piece of meat more\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/IU-Campus-Night-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C701&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/IU-Campus-Night-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C701&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/IU-Campus-Night-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C701&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/IU-Campus-Night-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C701&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/IU-Campus-Night-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C701&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":333,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/03\/31\/foster-dorm-floor-white-board-goes-record-45-seconds-without-being-covered-with-penises\/","url_meta":{"origin":1021,"position":3},"title":"Foster Dorm Floor White Board Goes Record 45 Seconds Without Being Covered by Penises","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 31, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By:\u00a0Jacopo Inboden BLOOMINGTON, IN --\u00a0Last Thursday, Foster RA Peter Johnson was shocked to find that his dorm floor\u2019s whiteboard went a full 45 seconds without being covered in drawings of hairy, ejaculating penises. Johnson told Flipside reporters, \u201cI wiped off the board, took a piss, and when I came back\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/pixdick.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/pixdick.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/pixdick.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/pixdick.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1110,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/04\/24\/mystery-solved-southeast-neighborhood-crows-found-chopped-up-underneath-forest-hall-floorboards\/","url_meta":{"origin":1021,"position":4},"title":"Mystery Solved! Southeast Neighborhood Crows Found Chopped Up Underneath Forest Hall Floorboards","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 24, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Sutton Lee Seymour BLOOMINGTON, IN \u2013 Last Tuesday, IU maintenance crew tearing up a Forest resident\u2019s floorboards found several birds chopped up with others chained alive beneath the floor. \u201cIn all my years, I\u2019ve never seen anything like this,\u201d said maintenance team leader Katrina Black. \u201cI mean, I\u2019ve seen\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/crows.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/crows.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/crows.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/crows.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/crows.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":814,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/09\/25\/18-great-ways-to-exploit-your-roommates-fear-of-confrontation\/","url_meta":{"origin":1021,"position":5},"title":"18 Great Ways to Exploit Your Roommate’s Fear of Confrontation","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"September 25, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"You use their toothbrush, borrow their clothes, and haven't bought your own food in a month. That's a great start, but here are some other proven ways to make sure your roommate never trusts you, or themselves, ever again. Shag your girlfriend in front of them Annex more closet space\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1021","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1021"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1021\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1027,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1021\/revisions\/1027"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1022"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1021"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1021"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1021"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}