{"id":1123,"date":"2018-04-27T19:49:31","date_gmt":"2018-04-27T19:49:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/?p=1123"},"modified":"2018-04-28T17:06:37","modified_gmt":"2018-04-28T17:06:37","slug":"10-major-construction-projects-for-the-bicentennial","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/04\/27\/10-major-construction-projects-for-the-bicentennial\/","title":{"rendered":"11 Major Construction Projects for the Bicentennial"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: center;\">By: Flipside Staff<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Transform IMU into Big Fucking Hole<br \/>\nLet\u2019s be real here, the school has been <a href=\"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/22\/rps-announces-plan-to-transform-imu-into-big-fucking-hole\/\">planning to do this since 2015<\/a>, but after massive student protests, they were unable to pull the trigger. Expect the building to finally undergo its beautiful transformation into a state-of-the-art hole in the ground featuring mud floors, dirt walls, and earthen furniture.<\/li>\n<li>Move Ballantine Hall 3 feet to the West<br \/>\nOne of the biggest design flaws of Ballantine Hall is that when sitting on the roof of Wells Quad, in the far-left chair, at approximately 5:12 p.m. during the summer equinox, the sun peers over the top of Ballantine Hall at an awkward angle, how inconvenient. Expect this project to last 3 years and cost the university millions of dollars.<\/li>\n<li>Replace Jordan Avenue Parking Garage with Second Geology Building<br \/>\nRPS will finally be\u00a0addressing student concerns about an excess of campus parking lots, and not enough geology buildings. All too often, rocks that the geology department thinks are cool do not fit in existing display cases so this new building will solve that problem! While of course, this means the Jordan parking garage will be replaced, students should continue to have no problems finding spaces.<\/li>\n<li>Give the Optometry School a New Pair of Glasses<br \/>\nStudents have been complaining of blurriness when looking out of IU\u2019s Optometry School windows. To correct this, IU optometry building will be receiving a giant pair of glasses as a part of the bicentennial project. In order to make sure the prescription is right, students will be told to look out the windows and tell construction workers if option A or option B looks clearer. The building will also be fitted with a macrofiber tarp for whenever the glasses get dirty or a bird flies into them. IU Optometry students hope to realign the school\u2019s window panes with IU\u2019s strategic 2020 vision!<\/li>\n<li>Begin Plan to Levitate Swain North and South<br \/>\nIU Physics plans on harnessing the power of magnetic north to create a levitating pair of buildings, completing the Swain Compass segment of the Bicentennial Plan. When asked about the necessity of the floating buildings, Professor Pole stated that \u201cconstruction of the North building alone would necessitate the deforestation of 55% of Dunn\u2019s Woods. Plus, it\u2019d be bitchin.\u2019\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Make 10th Street a One-Way<br \/>\nFor years, students have been complaining of heavy traffic on 10th street, so the IU administration is teaming up with the city planning office to make it only go one-way! The road will be northbound, leading away from campus. To ensure that the traffic problem is prevented, completely. Third street\u2019s direction will also change diverting all traffic away from campus. After 200 years its good to see that Bloomington still prioritizes the convenience of students over permanent residents!<\/li>\n<li>Add More Duct Tape to the Woodburn Hall Elevators<br \/>\nFor those who don\u2019t know, the Woodburn hall elevators have been getting pretty shaky, and the university has finally decided to reinforce them with more duct tape. This will be the easiest project of the bicentennial construction, considering it will only require a quick trip to Home Depot. But somehow it will still cost millions of dollars.<\/li>\n<li>Add a Rest Stop on the Fifth Floor of Ballantine<br \/>\nThe Ballantine Hall staircase has been criticized after taking the lives of 7 students over the past 3 years. Many of these students passed out around the 6th floor and fell down 5 flights of stars. In lieu of adding more elevators, which would not be cost-effective, instead, IU will be adding a rest stop on the 5th floor. This rest stop will include a small cafeteria, stocked full of protein bars, energy drinks, and hiking magazines.<\/li>\n<li>Build Ski Lift Up Fee Mountain<br \/>\nAnybody who lives in the Northwest neighborhood, or up by the stadium, knows how hard it is to scale Fee Mountain during the wintertime. For this reason, the bicentennial renovations include the construction of a ski lift which will take students up the road during winter months. At the bottom, students will swipe their campus access cards, and for just $5 per ride, they can easily get to the top of the mountain within 15 minutes! Thanks to the fee, the system is expected to pay for itself, and break-even by 2030!<\/li>\n<li>Give Sentience to the Brain Outside of the Psych Building<br \/>\nSince its installation in 2013, the IU Psychology department has always kept in mind its final goal for the piece: giving the limestone brain sentience. \u201cBy achieving this goal for IU\u2019s bicentennial, we have positioned the university to grant sentience to Bloomington\u2019s other statues, such as Herman B Wells and that Adam statue with no genitals,\u201d stated President McRobbie. Following the announcement, IUPD issued a warning to pedestrians, telling them not to be alarmed by the brain\u2019s telepathic cries for mercy.<\/li>\n<li>Give the IMU Down Escalators<br \/>\nAfter 80 Years, it&#8217;s about damn time.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By: Flipside Staff Transform IMU into Big Fucking Hole Let\u2019s be real here, the school has been planning to do this since 2015, but after massive student protests, they were [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1125,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1123","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-local","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/iu_bicentennial.jpg?fit=792%2C576&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-i7","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":474,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/11\/07\/breaking-hillary-clintons-deleted-emails-discovered-on-tenth-floor-of-ballantine-stairwell\/","url_meta":{"origin":1123,"position":0},"title":"Breaking: Hillary Clinton\u2019s \u201cDeleted Emails\u201d Discovered on Tenth Floor of Ballantine Stairwell","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Fannie Wanker Students and amateur climbers should expect changes following the discovery of a Lenovo Yoga 2 laptop, which contained Word documents of every one of Hillary Clinton\u2019s emails, on the top floor of Ballantine Hall. Secret Service personnel and campus security have blocked off the ninth and tenth\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Entertainment&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/ballantine-hall.jpg?fit=375%2C500&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1480,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/03\/18\/op-ed-im-ballantine-hall-and-i-hate-you-too\/","url_meta":{"origin":1123,"position":1},"title":"Op-Ed: I&#8217;m Ballantine Hall and I Hate You Too","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 18, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Fredrick Venus Ever since some asshole in a philosophy class pondered the existence of consciousness in limestone and the professor\u2019s head exploded, I poofed into existence. From that point forward, I have been forced to endure your endless stream of verbal diarrhea, criticizing my structure. You hate my brilliant\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Ballantine Stairs&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Ballantine Stairs","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/ballantine-stairs\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/ballantine-hall.jpg?fit=373%2C280&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1437,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/02\/11\/iu-announces-ballantine-fence-expanding-to-come-between-you-and-your-crush\/","url_meta":{"origin":1123,"position":2},"title":"IU Announces Ballantine Fence Expanding To Come Between You and Your Crush","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 11, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By: K.C. Jones BLOOMINGTON, IN- The continuing construction near Ballantine hall is about to make students\u2019 lives a bit more difficult, as IU announced today that the fence surrounding Ballantine will be expanding to become a direct obstacle between you and your crush, specifically. Construction worker T.J. Maxwell was doing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Entertainment&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/ballantine-fence.jpg?fit=1200%2C771&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/ballantine-fence.jpg?fit=1200%2C771&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/ballantine-fence.jpg?fit=1200%2C771&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/ballantine-fence.jpg?fit=1200%2C771&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/ballantine-fence.jpg?fit=1200%2C771&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":96,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/22\/rps-announces-plan-to-transform-imu-into-big-fucking-hole\/","url_meta":{"origin":1123,"position":3},"title":"RPS Announces Plan to Transform IMU into Big Fucking Hole","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"August 22, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Bismo Falcor IU administrators announced Monday their radical new plan to construct a brand new Big Fucking Hole, directly on the current site of the IMU. The final decision was made by Sir Reginald Dunn, head administrator at IU. He said this was the biggest construction project this campus\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Local&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/imu1.jpg?fit=1200%2C821&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/imu1.jpg?fit=1200%2C821&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/imu1.jpg?fit=1200%2C821&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/imu1.jpg?fit=1200%2C821&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/imu1.jpg?fit=1200%2C821&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1531,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/04\/22\/indiana-university-announces-plan-to-reanimate-1830s-inaugural-class-for-bicentennial-celebration\/","url_meta":{"origin":1123,"position":4},"title":"Indiana University Announces Plan to Reanimate 1830s Inaugural Class for Bicentennial Celebration","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 22, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Barry Vile, Flipside Staff Indiana University president Michael McRobbie recently announced plans to bring the entire Indiana University class of 1830 back to life for the school's 200th anniversary. \"It's incredible to think that we'll have the opportunity to have a firsthand account of the university from almost 200\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Local&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/inaugural_class.jpg?fit=750%2C458&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/inaugural_class.jpg?fit=750%2C458&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/inaugural_class.jpg?fit=750%2C458&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/inaugural_class.jpg?fit=750%2C458&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":912,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/11\/10\/students-overthrow-professor-in-classroom-struggle\/","url_meta":{"origin":1123,"position":5},"title":"Students Overthrow Professor in Classroom Struggle","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 10, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By:\u00a0Mack E. Velli Bloomington, IN - The student masses in Professor Williams' \"Theory of Marx and Revolutionary History\" seized the means of education today after a long struggle with the professor on the allocation of grades and horrible homework conditions. Soon after Professor Williams was disposed from the lectern, students\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Education&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/23548038_1726225650752630_1517650241_n.jpg?fit=564%2C270&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/23548038_1726225650752630_1517650241_n.jpg?fit=564%2C270&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/23548038_1726225650752630_1517650241_n.jpg?fit=564%2C270&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1123","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1123"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1123\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1127,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1123\/revisions\/1127"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1125"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1123"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1123"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1123"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}