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<\/a> students were greeted by their hungover, newly-tenured professor. Professor Wentz was dressed in a stained turtleneck he had been wearing the previous lesson, pink Crocs, khakis with an open fly, and, according to students in the front row, Minions-branded boxer-briefs.<\/p>\n“I’ve been working with him for the past year, and since he’s reached tenure things have really shifted,” said Wentz’s AI Josh Daniels. “Rather than giving a condescending look and complaining to his colleagues like he used to, now he just tells dumb students that their question makes him wonder if there is intelligent life on Earth.” Daniels concluded: “I’m happy for him for reaching tenure, but I kind of wish he was wearing deodorant.”<\/p>\n
“He’d been openly crying during faculty meetings just a few weeks ago. Now, he barely shows up,” said department head David Baxter. “This is why we make those bastards work for tenure.”<\/p>\n
“Today, we’ll be continuing our discussion of supernovas– actually, fuck that, today we’re talking about my bitch of a wife,” McRobertson said taking a swig from a nondescript bottle. With that, he stepped out of his Crocs and fell over.<\/p>\n
“It’s crazy. Last Tuesday he docked me 3 points for tardiness. Now my Canvas grade just says ‘Who cares,'” said sophomore Seymour Sullivan.<\/p>\n
Our reporter sat in on the next lecture, which was mostly occupied by a video presentation. McRobertson sat behind his desk and displayed an adult video on the projector before ending class 45 minutes early.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Cleetus Haversham Bloomington, IN–Last Thursday, “Intro to Astronomy” students were greeted by their hungover, newly-tenured professor. Professor Wentz was dressed in a stained turtleneck he had been wearing the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1166,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[299],"tags":[382,379,383,381,380,303,378],"class_list":["post-1165","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","tag-public-ivy","tag-alcoholism","tag-first-rate-education","tag-gross","tag-minions","tag-professor","tag-tenure","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/41323220_341472186422279_1370220543109758976_n.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-iN","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":912,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/11\/10\/students-overthrow-professor-in-classroom-struggle\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":0},"title":"Students Overthrow Professor in Classroom Struggle","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 10, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By:\u00a0Mack E. Velli Bloomington, IN - The student masses in Professor Williams' \"Theory of Marx and Revolutionary History\" seized the means of education today after a long struggle with the professor on the allocation of grades and horrible homework conditions. Soon after Professor Williams was disposed from the lectern, students\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/23548038_1726225650752630_1517650241_n.jpg?fit=564%2C270&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/23548038_1726225650752630_1517650241_n.jpg?fit=564%2C270&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/23548038_1726225650752630_1517650241_n.jpg?fit=564%2C270&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":655,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/02\/24\/iu-professor-begins-hosting-office-hours-at-kok\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":1},"title":"IU Professor Begins Hosting Office Hours at KOK","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Robben DeCash BLOOMINGTON, IN \u2014 Flipside recently sent one of its reporters to Bloomington nightlife hub Kilroy\u2019s on Kirkwood, where it was discovered that IU Economics Professor Oliver Klosoff has begun holding office hours there in order to entice more students to attend. \u201cIt is pretty hard to see\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/16933840_10212252217410406_1308709_n.jpg?fit=792%2C526&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/16933840_10212252217410406_1308709_n.jpg?fit=792%2C526&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/16933840_10212252217410406_1308709_n.jpg?fit=792%2C526&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/16933840_10212252217410406_1308709_n.jpg?fit=792%2C526&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1065,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/04\/03\/breaking-brother-jed-awarded-associate-professor-status\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":2},"title":"BREAKING: Brother Jed Awarded Associate Professor Status","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 3, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By:\u00a0Robbie McMichael BLOOMINGTON, IN- Last Tuesday the Indiana University Department of Religious Studies hired campus preacher, Brother Jed, as an associate professor. Due to Brother Jed's controversial opinions, this appointment has drawn criticism from student groups, who cite their right to \"not be screamed at\" during class. Head of Religious\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/brother_jed-e1522774171442.jpg?fit=621%2C621&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/brother_jed-e1522774171442.jpg?fit=621%2C621&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/brother_jed-e1522774171442.jpg?fit=621%2C621&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1500,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/04\/02\/professor-brings-alexa-to-class-so-someone-will-finally-answer-his-questions\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":3},"title":"Professor Brings Alexa to Class so Someone Will Finally Answer His Questions","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 2, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jimmy Christmas BLOOMINGTON, IN: Last Tuesday, a Tuesday like any other, Professor Thompson braced himself and asked a question to his lecture students. It was a simple question, one he had answered just one slide ago, however, all Thompson saw was a saw of dead eyes and empty faces.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/alexaanswersquestions.png?fit=1200%2C756&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/alexaanswersquestions.png?fit=1200%2C756&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/alexaanswersquestions.png?fit=1200%2C756&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/alexaanswersquestions.png?fit=1200%2C756&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/alexaanswersquestions.png?fit=1200%2C756&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1203,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/21\/your-professors-5-favorite-students-and-why-youre-not-on-that-list\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":4},"title":"Your Professor’s 5 Favorite Students and Why You\u2019re Not On That List","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"September 21, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jack Peebis 1. Chelsea Chelsea is the perfect teacher\u2019s pet. Every morning, exactly ten minutes before the 8 am lecture begins, she\u00a0struts into class and greets your professor with a genuine \u201cHow are you today?\u201d that for a moment almost makes him forget the years of disillusionment that made\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/prof_s_favorite.jpg?fit=768%2C455&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/prof_s_favorite.jpg?fit=768%2C455&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/prof_s_favorite.jpg?fit=768%2C455&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/prof_s_favorite.jpg?fit=768%2C455&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1089,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/04\/13\/8-places-i-wish-i-hadnt-seen-my-professor-outside-of-class\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":5},"title":"8 Places I Wish I Hadn’t Seen My Professor Outside of Class","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 13, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By Ariel Gold\u00a0and Bismo Falcor At CVS It\u2019s always so weird to see your professors outside of class, but they\u2019re people too. 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