{"id":1214,"date":"2018-09-26T13:03:27","date_gmt":"2018-09-26T13:03:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/?p=1214"},"modified":"2018-09-26T13:03:27","modified_gmt":"2018-09-26T13:03:27","slug":"shocking-ancient-artifact-found-during-iu-archaeological-dig-actually-just-john-arthos-citation-tutorial-vcr","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/26\/shocking-ancient-artifact-found-during-iu-archaeological-dig-actually-just-john-arthos-citation-tutorial-vcr\/","title":{"rendered":"SHOCKING: Ancient Artifact Found During IU Archaeological Dig Actually Just John Arthos Citation Tutorial VCR"},"content":{"rendered":"

By: Hugh Janus<\/p>\n

BLOOMINGTON, IN- In an archaeological dig of campus more than a\u00a0\"\"decade in the making, IU students uncovered\u00a0more than they bargained for after a prolonged excavation of the grave next to the IMU.<\/p>\n

\u201cUsually getting these rocks up really gets my rocks off, but we weren\u2019t prepared for what we found on Wednesday,\u201d said Ian McManson, a senior whose major in archaeology has completely alienated him from his parents \u201cWe brought in a metal detector, and the signal was coming from so deep inside the earth that we had to bring in a crane. This would normally bring me to at least a half-chub, but what we found still unsettles me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe finally unearthed it, and once I got over the initial excitement we found that it was a VHS wrapped up in a bloodstained sacrifice shawl,\u201d McManson said. \u201cWe did some research and found out that it was originally from 1993. There was ancient Khandarian script on the front, but we were too scared to read that out loud.\u201d<\/p>\n

Upon finding a VCR player in the basement of the IMU, the Archaeological Society of Scholars, ASS, inserted the tape and pressed play. But nothing could prepare them for what they saw next. \u201cAt first there was just the sound of the tape scraping through the player,\u201d said ASS president Carlson Marks, shuddering at the memory. \u201cThat old, familiar voice, coupled with the weird, off-screen hand motions. Then the screen kicked in. We\u2019d know that John Malkovich lookalike anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man in question was none other than John Arthos<\/a>, Speech teacher at Indiana University. “It was his first citation tutorial,\u201d McManson said. \u201cOnce we realized that the time signature of the tape was over nine minutes, we just fuckin\u2019 Google\u2019d it. It was too weird to watch him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once the tape resurfaced and was watched, John Arthos was sought for some answers, but he merely recited the words of Percy Shelley\u2019s \u201cOzymandias.\u201d<\/p>\n

ASS president Marks released a brief statement this week. \u201cWe don\u2019t know exactly what the tape is: a horcrux, a bat signal, or something else. All we know is that whatever it is, it won’t rest until everything is in MLA format.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By: Hugh Janus BLOOMINGTON, IN- In an archaeological dig of campus more than a\u00a0decade in the making, IU students uncovered\u00a0more than they bargained for after a prolonged excavation of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1215,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[299,4],"tags":[416,414,418,417,415],"class_list":["post-1214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","category-science-technology","tag-archaeology","tag-john-arthos","tag-mla","tag-the-scorpion-king","tag-vhs","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/ancient_citation_tutorial.jpg?fit=1360%2C800&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-jA","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1239,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/10\/16\/19-totally-real-classes-that-iu-actually-offers\/","url_meta":{"origin":1214,"position":0},"title":"19 Totally Real Classes That IU Actually Offers","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"October 16, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By Jake Spear and Flipside Staff Registering for classes can be a difficult process. 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