![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/b.a.c._pizza.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nBAC = 0.01: Pizza X, Medium Pepperoni
\nYou’ve just had a beer or two and are starting to notice the yearning groans of your empty stomach. Essentially-sober, you\u2019re well aware that Pizza X is open, and their medium pepperoni has never let you down. So, sit down, let the BTownMenus website autofill your information for the third time this week, and wait for your pizza to arrive.<\/p>\n
BAC = 0.03: Pizza X, 3 Medium Pepperonis and an order of Breadsticks
\nAfter a realy bad day you’re ashamed to realize you drank an entire 6-pack of Natural light. Despite all those carbs, your body still wants more. Worry not! Pizza X offers the unique service of delivering not just one, but multiple pizzas at once, even with appetizers and side dishes! It’s a lot to eat, but you’re up for the challenge.
\nYou slump over, having eaten one and a half of the pizzas you ordered. The rest should carry you through the hangover, if not the rest of the week.<\/p>\n
BAC = .05: Taste of India
\nNow we know what you’re thinking: \u201cTaste of India isn\u2019t a pizza place, you drunk dumbass.\u201d Nonetheless, after your third piss-break of the hour, you opt for Indian. But there’s still that nagging thought telling you that Taste of India \u201cisn\u2019t pizza\u201d and \u201cwill definitely make you shit yourself at your 9am Friday lecture tomorrow.\u201d Well, that might be true, but drunk you knows better. You know that naan is bread. You know that curry is a sauce. Rice is just boring cheese. And the meat? Well, you know what that is. Put \u2018em all together in the right order, and BAM, you\u2019ve got yourself a… passable slice of pizza.<\/p>\n
BAC = 0.2: Leftover Pizza
\nYou\u2019re back home with no money. Better open up that fridge and find the pizza box… empty. It looks like the Zs you’ll be catching tonight won’t be the ones in “pizza”.<\/p>\n
BAC = 0.4: Dumpster Pizza
\nDude, where the hell are you? Also, why\u2019s your stomach hurting so bad? Ohhh, dude. That smell. Pizza. That sounds great right about now. But where\u2019s your wallet? Ah, shit, you left it in the Uber. No worries, you can improvise. How could you get pizza without paying for it? The register? Only if you rob it, and you do not need that kind of drama in your life right now. The other customers? The last time you tried that you got tazed. Wait! The dumpster. All those abandoned pizzas, sitting there, afraid, in need of a new belly home. Well, this Oliver Warbucks is about to become some Little Orphan Anchovies\u2019 new daddy. Feast away, you young innovator, you.<\/p>\n
BAC = 0.7: Whatever Pizza They Give You In Hell
\nOkay, you\u2019ve woken up in some weird places after blacking out, but this is ridiculous. What\u2019s with the incessant screeching of forgotten traumas ringing in your ears? Why is everything some shade of red? Who\u2019s that pale figure staring at you through the bars of a prison cell with glowing, expressionless yellow eyes? This the basement of FIJI all over again.
\nWait. That smell. You\u2019d recognize that smell anywhere. You turn to the left and see a shambling husk of a person holding out a box. It\u2019s a pizza box. Of course! You reach out a withering hand to open the box but you never see what\u2019s inside; the sight of it blinds you for an eternity, and you can hear your own voice join that cacophony of the damned, crying out for cheesy bread.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Jack Peebis So, you drank a few too many, and now you need a pizza before you “literally” die from starvation? We\u2019ve all been there. As experts in terrible […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1228,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[379,419,420],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/b.a.c._pizza.jpg?fit=710%2C473&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-jN","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1227"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1227"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1227\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1231,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1227\/revisions\/1231"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1228"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1227"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1227"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1227"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}