{"id":1417,"date":"2019-02-04T14:54:17","date_gmt":"2019-02-04T14:54:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/?p=1417"},"modified":"2019-02-04T14:55:22","modified_gmt":"2019-02-04T14:55:22","slug":"7-potential-suitors-to-make-your-mama-proud","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/02\/04\/7-potential-suitors-to-make-your-mama-proud\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Potential Suitors to make Your Mama Proud"},"content":{"rendered":"\n


By: Ariel Gold and Flipside Staff <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sick of your mom setting<\/g> you up with guys she met at church? Want to show her that you can find great guys on your own? These matches might not be “great,” but they’ll make your mama stop complaining about meeting a “nice boy.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bartholomew Chestnut III<\/strong>: Bartholomew is a fully-vaccinated dressage world champion. He’s in the Kelley School of Business where he studies almond investment management. He is 1\/16th Portuguese and will mention that at every opportunity.
Why Mom will love him: He and his horse have matching outfits<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kale Savage<\/strong>: Kale is a post-modernist, he’s a strong believer in the cylindrical earth theory. He knows all of his colors and wants you to join his multi-level marketing scheme. He might not believe in Egypt, but he can be frequently found drinking craft beer outside his commune while performing banjo solos from Mumford and Sons.
Why Mom will love him: He knows a surprising amount about gardening<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeff Bezos<\/strong>: Jeff is newly single and ready to mingle! He thrives on crushing the working class, but he’s always willing to take time for you. He’ll send you sweet texts like “I love you, alive girl,” and it’ll be great until he ends it because he realized that marriage is a union.
Why Mom will love him: He can offer free 2-day shipping<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trapp McRobbie<\/strong>: Trapp is an avatar of chaos. He is gainfully employed selling Adderall and Xanax. He’s had an adventurous life with a brief stint in juvie in Tasmania, and he looks forward to many more adventures with you!
Why Mom will love him: She’ll receive discounts on her usual Xanax order<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brett from Intramurals<\/strong>: Brett is passionate about all parts of his life, but mostly intramural soccer. You might not care for his hate-filled rants about the referees at the world cup. But he’s a sports marketing major and you’ve got to love that passion.
Why Mom will love him: He is not at all shy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jonathan<\/strong>: Jonathan is a man you met at the coffee shop this week. He’s 6’7. You don’t know much else about him. He might be going to law school? Who knows? But you don’t really care.
Why Mom will love him: “He is very tall.”-Mom<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Brown M&M<\/strong>: The Brown M&M might be the first girl you bring home to mom, but if things go well, she might be the last.
Ms. Brown will see you now.
Why Mom will love her: Candy is always welcome on Valentine’s Day<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By: Ariel Gold and Flipside Staff Sick of your mom setting you up with guys she met at church? Want to show her that you can find great guys on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1418,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[404,289,287,456],"class_list":["post-1417","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-local","tag-dating","tag-love","tag-romance","tag-suitors","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/7_Suitors-e1549292505412.jpg?fit=1291%2C1501&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-mR","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":986,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/02\/09\/researchers-fear-iu-greek-houses-could-become-endangered-by-2030\/","url_meta":{"origin":1417,"position":0},"title":"Researchers Fear IU Greek Houses Could Become Endangered by 2030","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 9, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jonathan Pollack and Bartholomew Bortles BLOOMINGTON, IN--A recent study conducted by the IU office of Sustainability suggests that Greek houses, if not managed properly, could become endangered by 2030. \u201cOver the past decade, we have seen that the Greek system\u2019s rising rates of charter revocations, bodily-fluid emissions, and assault\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/DJyzdkFXcAE59Gz.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/DJyzdkFXcAE59Gz.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/DJyzdkFXcAE59Gz.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/DJyzdkFXcAE59Gz.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1115,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/04\/26\/interview-collins-resident-comes-out-as-republican\/","url_meta":{"origin":1417,"position":1},"title":"Interview: Collins Resident Comes Out as Republican","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 26, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By:\u00a0Bartholomew Bortles Last Thursday, Collins Resident Wendell Martin came out as Republican to his friends in the Living Learning Center. 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HC: Wendell, thank you very much for taking\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Politics"","block_context":{"text":"Politics","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/politics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/coming_out.jpg?fit=1080%2C721&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/coming_out.jpg?fit=1080%2C721&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/coming_out.jpg?fit=1080%2C721&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/coming_out.jpg?fit=1080%2C721&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/coming_out.jpg?fit=1080%2C721&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":661,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/03\/01\/pope-francis-confirms-god-is-just-one-of-the-guys\/","url_meta":{"origin":1417,"position":2},"title":"Pope Francis Confirms God is “Just One of the Guys”","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Pink Freud VATICAN CITY -- In an official statement issued by the Holy See, His Holiness the Pontiff Pope Francis affirmed the centuries old church doctrine that God is a straight-up bro. 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