![\"spring](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/spring-break-zodiac.jpg?resize=2126%2C1412&ssl=1\")
<\/p>\nBy Robbie McMichael<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
1. Aries: you will be joining the military! What a better time than spring break to commit yourself to violent imperial expansion!
\n2. Taurus: you will be attempting to reverse your own circumsicion and, if you figure out a painless enough route\u2014try it on your friends.
\n3. Gemini: Twins, you should go backpacking in a former soviet bloc state. And also getting too drunk and breaking up with your girlfriend over speakerphone at the bar.
\n4. Cancer: I don\u2019t know, try Fort Lauderdale?
\n5. Leo: the stars are telling you to get a culturally insensitive tattoo in Thailand or, even better, get cornrows on your Jamaica trip.
\n6. Virgo: now is the perfect time for you to remove that suspicious mole.
\n7. Libra: your creative spirit will lead you to crafting a deeply aesthetic death.
\n8. Scorpio: has anyone ever told you that you should start a podcast?
\n9. Sagittarius: why not see what all the hype is about? Sag, you should try internet porn for the first time this break.
\n10. Capricorn: you will lose your car keys and spend the rest of Spring break turning over couch cushions and calling the bars.
\n11. Aquarius: Start your small business! Aqua, it\u2019s time to start selling essential oils to high school friends on Facebook.
\n12. Pisces: try to drink some water. Also, stop crying.
\n13. Year of the Tiger: you’re just… not gonna have a good time. Be careful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Robbie McMichael 1. Aries: you will be joining the military! What a better time than spring break to commit yourself to violent imperial expansion! 2. Taurus: you will be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1476,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/spring-break-zodiac.jpg?fit=2126%2C1412&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-nN","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1033,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/03\/09\/11-underrated-spring-break-destinations\/","url_meta":{"origin":1475,"position":0},"title":"11 Underrated Spring Break Destinations","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 9, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Aesthetic Danger Still not sure where to spend the next week? 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