Written by: Bud O\u2019Bobby<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Labor shortages. Demanding hours. Unpredictable sales forecasts. Adherence to ever-changing environmental regulations. Griping upper-management that has no grasp on the realities of life on the production line. OSHA guys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These problems are prevalent in today\u2019s U.S. manufacturing facilities, but contrary to popular belief, John from Ohio isn\u2019t the only one who would \u201ctell the boss man to stick it\u201d after a forklift accident led to a series of \u201crandom\u201d drug tests. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Santa\u2019s Elves, a group of over 80,000 laborers with manufacturing facilities and their own problems at Santa\u2019s Workshop in North Pole, North Pole, ought to have the representation they deserve. And, as CFO and Chief Economist at Santa’s Workshop, we have created a new corporate initiative to assist this group of exploited individuals. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For all they do, and with all they put up with each year, Santa\u2019s Elves are often looked over — not just because they\u2019re not allowed to have organized labor unions, but also because they are rather short. Some Elves feel as though they are swept under the rug. Others are literally swept under Ms. Claus\u2019 rug when they forget to look both ways before crossing the living room on cleaning day. Queue OSHA guys. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s look at some quick statistics: Santa\u2019s Elves are involved in 163% more workplace accidents, get paid 92% less than the average American, and have accumulated over $12.9 billion in lawsuit damages for stealing Hasbro\u2019s intellectual property. C\u2019mon — is this even a sound operation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recently, John Deere\u2019s union members went on strike. Workers were fed up with 7-day work weeks, low wages, and poor benefits. After weeks of negotiation, John Deere and the union struck a deal that \u201cimproves\u201d the \u201cworking conditions\u201d at the \u201cplants\u201d. Whatever the hell that means. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Though this workplace welfare (WW) could, theoretically, be replicated at Santa\u2019s Workshop, the increased expenditures would negatively impact the number of toys produced around the globe. And we wouldn\u2019t want little Jimmy to only have nine gifts instead of 12, right? I mean, when it comes to cheap plastic shit, the more the merrier. As WW Increases, JT (Jimmy\u2019s Toys) Decreases. Remember that, Wall Street. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s why, at Santa\u2019s Workshop, we are proud to announce a new corporate initiative that will be implemented by 2035, ish. With each gift we produce, we will honor the Elves trapped in air conditioning units by signing each present:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c<\/em><\/strong>From,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Santa …<\/em> & Friends\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n We think this inclusive effort will make Elves feel more recognized, heard, and appreciated. The plan was announced around the holidays in hopes it will boost spirits to meet this year\u2019s demand. And hey — it\u2019s cheaper than fixing the air conditioning units. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Written by: Bud O\u2019Bobby Labor shortages. Demanding hours. Unpredictable sales forecasts. Adherence to ever-changing environmental regulations. Griping upper-management that has no grasp on the realities of life on the production […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1658","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-entertainment","has_no_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-qK","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1123,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/04\/27\/10-major-construction-projects-for-the-bicentennial\/","url_meta":{"origin":1658,"position":0},"title":"11 Major Construction Projects for the Bicentennial","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 27, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Flipside Staff Transform IMU into Big Fucking Hole Let\u2019s be real here, the school has been planning to do this since 2015, but after massive student protests, they were unable to pull the trigger. 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