{"id":1692,"date":"2022-11-18T22:52:46","date_gmt":"2022-11-18T22:52:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/?p=1692"},"modified":"2022-11-18T23:42:45","modified_gmt":"2022-11-18T23:42:45","slug":"op-ed-stop-telling-people-im-not-a-real-cop-i-am-too-a-real-cop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2022\/11\/18\/op-ed-stop-telling-people-im-not-a-real-cop-i-am-too-a-real-cop\/","title":{"rendered":"OP-ED: Stop telling people I\u2019m not a real cop, I AM TOO a real cop"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By: Your roommate Brett, an IUPD Cadet<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve had enough. Stop asking me to call 911 so a \u201creal police officer\u201d can show up. Stop telling your friends I\u2019m majoring in “applied crossing guard studies”. I\u2019m sick of the disrespect. I saw a post from Elon Musk on my LinkedIn wall this morning that said I needed to clean the toxic people out of my life. I\u2019m taking that advice to heart, and I am asking you to recognize that I am a real cop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, you knew that, you were just joking that one time?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Then explain why my contact on your phone is a picture of the Spirit Halloween juniors\u2019 police officer costume? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cadop-comp\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

And if it was such a one time joke, why did you park a Little Tykes\u00ae police car in my assigned space last week?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

You said you bought me a Piglet plush doll because I loved the Winnie-the-Pooh books growing up. I\u2019ve never read Winnie-the-Pooh, and how would you even know if I did? We\u2019re male roommates. We only talk about three things: the game, did I Venmo you my part of the internet bill, Swiffers: do we need one and what do we do with it? We DO NOT talk about: our childhoods, feelings, and the first 10 minutes of Pixar\u2019s \u2018UP\u2019. Look, I\u2019m just going to settle this once and for all: I am a real cop. Would I have this unnecessarily heavy walkie-talkie if I wasn\u2019t a real cop?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cincinnati<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Look at how big and heavy it is, it even has one of those microphone-speaker thingies with the long cord. What?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The coiled cord just evokes even more of the Piglet vibes that I\u2019m actively trying to shake?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

 I\u2019m not going to acknowledge that comment. Besides, would I have this super cool looking badge if I wasn\u2019t a real cop?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did I take Herschel Walker’s badge?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Very funny but I don\u2019t think so, see if you look up close it specifically says \u201cIndiana University Police*<\/strong>\u201d What?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did they engrave an asterisk on the badge?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t see an asterisk. No, I\u2019m not going to flip it over. I don\u2019t need to flip it over- ok, yes, the back does say *<\/strong>: \u201cThis is not a real badge. If presented with this badge, please call the real police. If lost, return to 1469 E. 17th<\/sup><\/strong><\/span>\u201d Ok, but fine print schmine frint. If IUPD didn\u2019t see me as a real cop, do you think they would trust me to walk around the Wells stacks at least once per night? I don\u2019t think they\u2019d leave that task to a criminal justice major with 2.5 months of training at police summer camp-goddammit why did I call it that-ok, police academy that occurs during the summer that we just happen to sleep away at, in cabins. And no, we didn\u2019t have bunk beds, we also did not have a \u2018mess hall\u2019 that served sheet pan pizza and Bug Juice on Friday. They served them on Saturday. We\u2019re getting farther away from my point: so I might not have a gun, or arrest powers, or permission to ride in the front seat of the squad cars. But what I do have is a dangerous combination of implicit bias and an undeveloped prefrontal cortex, sorry, I meant to say that I have an oath, an oath to serve and protect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Say the whole thing?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/em>That was the whole thing, no don\u2019t pull up the full text online, OK-ok, the full oath is that \u2018I swear to serve and protect the upper floors of the East Tower on alternating weeknights and weekends twice a month, and to see that the traffic in the athletics lots is orderly on game days\u2019. I hope you\u2019re pleased with yourself. Now if you excuse me, I need to report to the station so I can pick up my patrol vehicle, save your breath, I am well aware that it\u2019s a bicycle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By: Your roommate Brett, an IUPD Cadet I\u2019ve had enough. Stop asking me to call 911 so a \u201creal police officer\u201d can show up. Stop telling your friends I\u2019m majoring […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2727,"featured_media":1694,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1692","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-local","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/flipside_cadetoped_ig.png?fit=1080%2C1080&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-ri","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":451,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/11\/01\/op-ed-dare-was-wrong-because-i-am-a-junior-and-nobody-has-offered-me-free-drugs\/","url_meta":{"origin":1692,"position":0},"title":"Op-Ed: DARE was Wrong Because I am a Junior and Nobody has Offered Me Free Drugs","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 1, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Wendell Jeff When my fine-ass fifth grade teacher, Mr. McMichael, brought a police officer into my class at Colonel Richard Johnson Middle School, I assumed he was just fed up dealing with pre-pubescent classes of walking hormones and had had one too many martinis last night. 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