By: Pink Freud<\/p>\n
Jubilance swept through the air last week as researchers at Indiana University announced that they had developed a cure for the congenital facial disorder RBFS, also known as \u201cResting Bitch Face Syndrome.\u201d Resting Bitch Face, or as it\u2019s known in the scientific community, \u201cWhat-Crawled-Up-Her-Ass-and-Died Syndrome,\u201d is a genetically inherited disorder, that lends the carrier a cold glare of loathsome disdain, not unlike that of a demon before whom all men are flies drawn inexorably to the ravenous flame of fate. Research suggests over one sixth of Americans are afflicted with RBFS, causing distress to their families, and ensuring a life or shame and isolation.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I learned my son was born with RBF,\u201d said local man Al Judge, \u201cI had to choose between accepting him for who he was, and locking him in the basement never to see the light of day.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t easy, but I did what was best for the family.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fortunately, men like Al Judge will no longer be forced to make that choice. Nevertheless, treatment appears to be a long and arduous process.\u00a0 Full details on this haven\u2019t been released yet, but sources have indicated that doctors would enlist the help of the highly potent chemical FRM, also known as Face Ripper Monkey.\u00a0 \u00a0Though some believe the treatment does appear to be highly risky, and borders on a human rights violation, it has caught the eye of some celebrities, such as Kanye West.\u00a0 Most people seem to want him to go through with it.\u00a0 For other celebrities who suffer from the disorder, such as actress Kristen Stewart, Olympian Mikayla Maroney, and chemistry teacher Walter White, the treatment remains impractical, and a waste of time.<\/p>\n
Kristen Stewart has even gone so far as to become an anti-RBFS activist. Ms. Stewart maintains that \u201c\u2019Resting Bitch Face\u2019 is a made up condition derived from an internet meme deriding a certain look that was considered totally normal until apparently 2015.\u201d<\/p>\n
As far as this reporter is concerned, when it comes to Resting Bitch Face, let sleeping dogs lie<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By: Pink Freud Jubilance swept through the air last week as researchers at Indiana University announced that they had developed a cure for the congenital facial disorder RBFS, also known […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":180,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1,3,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-173","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment","category-politics","category-science-technology","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/kristen-stewart-2-2401.jpg?fit=240%2C320&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-2N","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1460,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/03\/04\/climate-change-schlimate-shange-nasa-to-move-earth-into-jupiters-great-red-spot-to-really-give-us-something-to-bitch-about\/","url_meta":{"origin":173,"position":0},"title":"Climate Change, Schlimate Shange!: NASA to Move Earth into Jupiter\u2019s Great Red Spot to Really Give Us Something to Bitch About","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 4, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jack Peebis Last week, in a rebuke to increasing climate change denial in Congress, leading NASA scientists unveiled a new potential solution to the problem: teleporting the entire planet to Jupiter. \u201cWe are done. We are fucking done,\u201d said David Larry, Head of NASA\u2019s new program. \u201cWe do years\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/NASADoomsEarth.jpg?fit=516%2C387&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":784,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/09\/11\/student-compensates-for-lack-of-problems-by-fabricating-new-ones\/","url_meta":{"origin":173,"position":1},"title":"Student Compensates for Lack of Problems by Fabricating New Ones","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"September 11, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Fannie Wanker 19 year old Indiana University Sophomore, Terry Bell, was found sulking outside of his tower at Wilkie Residence Hall this past Tuesday. Terry is well known among his friends as the first one to be picked as a flip-cup partner, but the last to be picked as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/9_11_FabricatingProblems.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/9_11_FabricatingProblems.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/9_11_FabricatingProblems.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/9_11_FabricatingProblems.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/9_11_FabricatingProblems.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1165,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/07\/breaking-newly-tenured-professor-glad-teaching-career-is-finally-over\/","url_meta":{"origin":173,"position":2},"title":"BREAKING: Newly-Tenured Professor Glad Teaching Career Is Finally Over","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"September 7, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Cleetus Haversham Bloomington, IN--Last Thursday, \"Intro to Astronomy\" students were greeted by their hungover, newly-tenured professor. Professor Wentz was dressed in a stained turtleneck he had been wearing the previous lesson, pink Crocs, khakis with an open fly, and, according to students in the front row, Minions-branded boxer-briefs. \"I've\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/41323220_341472186422279_1370220543109758976_n.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/41323220_341472186422279_1370220543109758976_n.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/41323220_341472186422279_1370220543109758976_n.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/41323220_341472186422279_1370220543109758976_n.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1260,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/10\/22\/selfless-freshman-couple-on-e-bus-makes-out-without-tongue\/","url_meta":{"origin":173,"position":3},"title":"Selfless: Freshman Couple on E-Bus Makes Out Without Tongue","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"October 22, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Maura Less BLOOMINGTON, IN- A freshman couple on the morning E-Bus made waves across campus as they performed their morning snog, without their usual, grotesque display of slobber. For years, countless Freshman couples have asserted their dominance on the E by aggressively making out with their partner. 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