By: Penny C. Bubblegum<\/p>\n
ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has ordered a ceasefire while his men scrambled to find a computer that hadn\u2019t been bombed to pieces so they could check out the latest season of The Walking Dead.<\/p>\n
\u201cI really enjoy the way Negan handles his prisoners,\u201d al-Baghdadi\u00a0told reporters. \u201cWe also play eeny meeny miny mo to choose who we behead.\u201d<\/p>\n
During our interview, al-Baghdadi minions were huddled together in a damp, dark bunker, routinely shushing our reporters so they could hear which member of the protagonists\u2019 group was killed in the previous season\u2019s finale. The group of extremists found themselves siding with the villains typically, but said they couldn\u2019t bear the thought of Rosita dying. Al-Baghdadi admitted that his lust for the character rivals his attraction to his wives, three men in sheepskin wigs whom he castrated.<\/p>\n
\u201cI make them stroke my beard and tell me I\u2019m a sexy zombie killer while I drown my enemies in acid. Rosita has made me a frustrated man\u201d. Despite their gruff reputation, even these mighty warriors flinched at the showing of who died at the end of season 6. \u201cBeating someone to death with a barbwire wrapped bat seems a bit graphic for cable don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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