{"id":496,"date":"2016-11-14T20:46:41","date_gmt":"2016-11-14T20:46:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/?p=496"},"modified":"2016-11-14T20:46:41","modified_gmt":"2016-11-14T20:46:41","slug":"top-7-bloomington-eats-for-when-that-fucking-fuckface-breaks-your-goddamn-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/11\/14\/top-7-bloomington-eats-for-when-that-fucking-fuckface-breaks-your-goddamn-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"Top 7 Bloomington Eats for when that Fucking Fuckface Breaks your Goddamn Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"

By: Hermynn Bae Wells<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Square Donuts<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Let\u2019s be real, girl\u2014he was a square anyway. Let the delicious taste of fried dough take you to a time before the thought of being single and dying alone kept you awake at night.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. BUB\u2019s Big Ugly Burgers<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      For a piece of meat more full of shit than the boy with the blue eyes, visit BUB\u2019s and get a Big Ugly Burger with all the toppings. If you finish your mammoth-sized burger, you get your picture on the wall, and it stays forever\u2014just like the tattoo of his name on my left asscheek.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Japonee Sushi<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        The Philadelphia Roll is a personal favorite of mine. A delicate mix of salmon with cream cheese and avocado, this roll has the distinct qualities of the ideal comfort food. The perfectly intermingled flavors remind me of how perfect my life was before that insecure, self-obsessed, goddamn prick cheated on me with his roommate, Brad.<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Casa Brava<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          This well-known Bloomington restaurant features its succulent Chimichanga in a bustling, warm atmosphere. My personal favorite is the Steak Quesadilla with Mexican Rice and Refried Beans. In fact, these delicious entrees satisfied me more than that impotent two-pump-chump that I called a boyfriend for a year.<\/p>\n

            \n
          1. BuffaLouie\u2019s<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            It\u2019s Saturday night in Bloomington! If you\u2019re a sports fan, it\u2019s a great night to go get wings with the boys\u2014or to get a spicy reminder of days gone by. Drink some cool iced tea to cleanse your palette after the hot wings satiate your hunger\u2014and try not to remember the good days of your life before the man you thought you were going to marry decided to LEAVE YOU FOR A FUCKING PUPPETRY MAJOR<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

              \n
            1. Village Deli<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              Ah, yet another excellent place to take your loved ones for brunch. Specials include the Cinnamon Roll pancake and a daily selection of skillets, complimented by a warm cup of coffee. This place is as ideal for brunch as the diamond ring on your finger. That you pawned to pay for heroin. SO YOU COULD FORGET WALKING IN ON HIM, BRAD, AND A VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY IN A THREESOME<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

                \n
              1. Malibu Grill<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                Our last pick is a classic date-night Bloomington restaurant! Make sure you and your date arrive dressed to the nines. I would suggest ordering the Pan-Seared Mahi Mahi paired with a robust white wine, before you force your date behind a shrubbery BECAUSE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND, BRAD, AND PIERRE SHOWED UP JESUS CHRIST WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE.<\/strong><\/p>\n

                 <\/p>\n

                Photo credit:\u00a0www.cesarwilsonphotography.smugmug.com<\/p>\n

                 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                By: Hermynn Bae Wells Square Donuts Let\u2019s be real, girl\u2014he was a square anyway. Let the delicious taste of fried dough take you to a time before the thought of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":497,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-496","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-local","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/IU-Campus-Night-1.jpg?fit=1500%2C876&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-80","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1183,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/14\/in-memoriam-students-hold-candlelight-vigil-for-imu-burger-king\/","url_meta":{"origin":496,"position":0},"title":"In Memoriam: Students Hold Candlelight Vigil for IMU Burger King","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"September 14, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: K.C. 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