By: Penny C. Bubblegum<\/p>\n
In the forest behind an abandoned Gamestop, nine men huddle around a fire that won\u2019t start. An array of cheeto crust marks the Friendzone Compound territory, coupled with spiderman boxers drenched in an unknown substance. The compound is a safe haven for males who feel powerless against an unlikely foe: feminism. To keep their compound: \u201cpus** proof\u201d, Agent Dorito keeps watch armed with his trusty NERF gun. \u201cCOD didn\u2019t prepare me for this, but the War on Men has made heroes out of us all.” His buddy Shaq Attack solemnly nods his head while playing ping-pong against himself with a spitball. As night starts to fall, the men snuggle together for warmth, soft \u201cno homo\u2019s\u201d are muttered to one another like an oath. Other than those words, little talk is exchanged. \u201cWe\u2019re saving our voices for our battle cry tomorrow. It\u2019s hunting season.” Agent Fritos explains to me that they are referring to when the ice cream truck rolls around their neck of the woods.<\/p>\n
When asked by our reporters what sparked this bold decision, Commando Mike Lays states that they\u2019re taking a stand against the feminazis, or \u201cwomen who don\u2019t understand how baller we are.” It\u2019s unclear whether the boys will ever leave the safety of their man cave to face the opposite sex, but Homie Simpson expresses frustration that none of the girls they initiated brief flirtationships with brought them sammiches. Abe suggested another hidden purpose to their self -imposed exile. He said, \u201cMaybe the chics will wonder about us, and come join the party. We have PBR and pom-poms and really what more can a chic ask for?\u201d If that was truly their purpose, their strategy has failed. \u201cThey read our texts but only replied with ape emojis which we haven\u2019t been able to decipher.\u201d He continued, “We hope to someday understand them, but until then, we will continue to scratch our neckbeards in frustration.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Penny C. Bubblegum In the forest behind an abandoned Gamestop, nine men huddle around a fire that won\u2019t start. An array of cheeto crust marks the Friendzone Compound territory, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":511,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/15228013_1275657915809408_268293178_n.jpg?fit=450%2C338&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-8e","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/510"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=510"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/510\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":512,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/510\/revisions\/512"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/511"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=510"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=510"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=510"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}