By: Penny C. Bubblegum<\/p>\n
In the forest behind an abandoned Gamestop, nine men huddle around a fire that won\u2019t start. An array of cheeto crust marks the Friendzone Compound territory, coupled with spiderman boxers drenched in an unknown substance. The compound is a safe haven for males who feel powerless against an unlikely foe: feminism. To keep their compound: \u201cpus** proof\u201d, Agent Dorito keeps watch armed with his trusty NERF gun. \u201cCOD didn\u2019t prepare me for this, but the War on Men has made heroes out of us all.” His buddy Shaq Attack solemnly nods his head while playing ping-pong against himself with a spitball. As night starts to fall, the men snuggle together for warmth, soft \u201cno homo\u2019s\u201d are muttered to one another like an oath. Other than those words, little talk is exchanged. \u201cWe\u2019re saving our voices for our battle cry tomorrow. It\u2019s hunting season.” Agent Fritos explains to me that they are referring to when the ice cream truck rolls around their neck of the woods.<\/p>\n
When asked by our reporters what sparked this bold decision, Commando Mike Lays states that they\u2019re taking a stand against the feminazis, or \u201cwomen who don\u2019t understand how baller we are.” It\u2019s unclear whether the boys will ever leave the safety of their man cave to face the opposite sex, but Homie Simpson expresses frustration that none of the girls they initiated brief flirtationships with brought them sammiches. Abe suggested another hidden purpose to their self -imposed exile. He said, \u201cMaybe the chics will wonder about us, and come join the party. We have PBR and pom-poms and really what more can a chic ask for?\u201d If that was truly their purpose, their strategy has failed. \u201cThey read our texts but only replied with ape emojis which we haven\u2019t been able to decipher.\u201d He continued, “We hope to someday understand them, but until then, we will continue to scratch our neckbeards in frustration.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Penny C. Bubblegum In the forest behind an abandoned Gamestop, nine men huddle around a fire that won\u2019t start. An array of cheeto crust marks the Friendzone Compound territory, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":511,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-510","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/15228013_1275657915809408_268293178_n.jpg?fit=450%2C338&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-8e","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":73,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/20\/fda-amends-blood-drive-deferral-for-satans-sexually-sickening-sodomites\/","url_meta":{"origin":510,"position":0},"title":"FDA Amends Blood Drive Deferral for Satan’s Sexually Sickening Sodomites","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"August 20, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Constance T. Nopel Sequin-sexuals have rejoiced in the FDA\u2019s announcement to amend its lifetime blood donation deferral for men who have had sex with other men. In response to the widespread criticism from LGTBQ protest groups, the FDA now strongly encourages sexually active gay and bisexual men to donate\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Business"","block_context":{"text":"Business","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/business\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/hailgaysatan1.png?fit=1200%2C665&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/hailgaysatan1.png?fit=1200%2C665&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/hailgaysatan1.png?fit=1200%2C665&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/hailgaysatan1.png?fit=1200%2C665&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/hailgaysatan1.png?fit=1200%2C665&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":198,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2015\/10\/08\/unhoused-freshmen-form-subterranean-society\/","url_meta":{"origin":510,"position":1},"title":"Unhoused Freshmen Form Subterranean Society","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"October 8, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Pink Freud It has been several weeks since students returned to IU Bloomington to find a shortage of living space and a glut of incoming students. To compensate for the disparity, lounges have been converted into rooms, and freshmen moved into formerly upperclassmen dorms such as Wilkie. But what\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/13acfb6228508bf868a5110f1f9def3b.jpg?fit=600%2C450&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/13acfb6228508bf868a5110f1f9def3b.jpg?fit=600%2C450&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/13acfb6228508bf868a5110f1f9def3b.jpg?fit=600%2C450&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":551,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/01\/17\/op-ed-im-pissed-so-many-people-are-put-in-jail-because-its-ruining-my-dating-prospects\/","url_meta":{"origin":510,"position":2},"title":"OP-Ed: I’m Pissed So Many People are Put in Jail Because It’s Ruining My Dating Prospects","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"January 17, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Hermynn Bae Wells As I sit on Tinder for the fifteenth time today, contemplating the possibility of sleep, my fingers tremble with each swipe. The \u201cNew Match!\u201d orange graphic pops in front of my eyes, bringing me the familiar rush of dopamine and affirmation. Unfortunately, this feeling has been\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1492,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/03\/25\/new-study-on-womens-health-strangely-lacking-a-male-perspective\/","url_meta":{"origin":510,"position":3},"title":"New Study On Women’s Health Strangely Lacking a Male Perspective","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 25, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By K.C. Jones In recent weeks, a new study investigating the link between women\u2019s social media interactions and breast cancer development is being criticized by many for its lack of male inclusion. Andrew Dean Rockwell, a Fox News contributor, commented on the study: \u201cLook, I get it. It\u2019s 2019, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Politics"","block_context":{"text":"Politics","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/politics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":921,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/11\/16\/how-to-avoid-accidentally-coming-out-to-aunt-barbara-this-thanksgiving\/","url_meta":{"origin":510,"position":4},"title":"How to Avoid Accidentally Coming Out to Aunt Barbara this Thanksgiving","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 16, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Thanksgiving is just around the corner, which means you will be sitting directly across the table from Aunt Barbara. As much as you truly love that she drove in from Martinsville, you know there are certain things you shouldn\u2019t discuss around her. Here is the Flipside guide to erasing any\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Avoid-coming-out-to-your-aunt.jpg?fit=628%2C314&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Avoid-coming-out-to-your-aunt.jpg?fit=628%2C314&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Avoid-coming-out-to-your-aunt.jpg?fit=628%2C314&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1520,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/04\/18\/schrodingers-douchebag-a-hard-hitting-investigation-of-a-cultural-phenomenon\/","url_meta":{"origin":510,"position":5},"title":"SCHR\u00d6DINGER\u2019S DOUCHEBAG: A Hard-Hitting Investigation of a Cultural Phenomenon","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 18, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By Robbie McMichael Flipside has taken on itself to investigate a henceforth unstudied cultural phenomenon that affects daily the lives of women: Schr\u00f6dinger\u2019s Douchebag. This term describes an event which occurs when a single woman passes a group of 3 or more men. 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