By: Jug R. Not<\/p>\n
Professor Bersching\u2019s financial accounting class was abruptly halted yesterday when a student\u2019s audible joke about Purdue University activated the programming of a Krannert School of Management sleeper agent posing as one of their own. The young man instantly began cutting off access to any exits from the building using a program developed by Purdue\u2019s Engineering Department and kept the perimeter of Kelley Secret Police (KSP) officers at bay by threatening to upload an improper balance sheet onto the Kelley website if they got too close.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s looking pretty bad in there,\u201d said KSP Captain M. Bezzle. \u201cI mean, I knew that those Purdue folks were getting bored but sweet Jesus, this is ridiculous.\u201d Captain Bezzle then took this reporter on a quick tour of the outer defenses erected by the defense program. \u201cYOU SEE?!\u201d he exclaimed, pointing to the titanium gates and automated overhead drones that barred and guarded every entrance into the building. \u201cHow can a single Purdue nerd do this in a few hours when we were remodeling Hodge Hall for years?\u201d<\/p>\n
The sleeper agent has continuously broadcasted his demands via hologram ever since his takeover of Kelley. They include the total surrender of the long-neutral ground of IUPUI to Purdue University, the forfeiture of Mark Cuban\u2019s alumnus status, and a weekly tribute of Baked! cookies to be sent directly to the Krannert School of Management.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe must not back down in the face of this unprovoked aggression,\u201d IU President Michael McRobbie said in an official statement concerning the crisis. \u201cThis university, its staff, and its students shall stand strong against this threat. We are working towards a solution to this situation, and we pray that the members of our community in the hallowed halls of Hodge can maintain their courage.\u201d<\/p>\n
While the present situation is indeed alarming, and potentially life-threatening, Kelley professors have said they see no reason why students should get extensions on their ICORE projects.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Jug R. Not Professor Bersching\u2019s financial accounting class was abruptly halted yesterday when a student\u2019s audible joke about Purdue University activated the programming of a Krannert School of Management […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":521,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-519","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/download.jpg?fit=850%2C681&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-8n","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1406,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/01\/28\/breaking-kelley-school-of-business-to-adopt-airpods-into-business-professional-dress-guidelines\/","url_meta":{"origin":519,"position":0},"title":"BREAKING: Kelley School of Business to Include AirPods in Business Professional Dress Guidelines","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"January 28, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Maura Less & Jake Spear BLOOMINTON-- On January 27th, 2019, the Kelley School of Business announced that Apple AirPods are now a requirement for the Kelley Business Professional dress code. This is meant to reinforce Kelley\u2019s reputation as a wealthy school and provide their students an overall more professional,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/professional_attire.jpg?fit=1180%2C841&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/professional_attire.jpg?fit=1180%2C841&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/professional_attire.jpg?fit=1180%2C841&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/professional_attire.jpg?fit=1180%2C841&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/professional_attire.jpg?fit=1180%2C841&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":624,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/02\/17\/area-girl-scout-troop-partners-with-kelley-school-of-business-to-increase-cookie-sales\/","url_meta":{"origin":519,"position":1},"title":"Area Girl Scout Troop Partners with Kelley School of Business to Increase Cookie Sales","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 17, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Barry Vile BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Girl Scout Troop 191 has just announced a joint venture with the Kelley School of Business in an effort to boost Thin Mint sales following a disappointing 2016 fourth quarter. 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This will give every student a chance to voice opinions on what issues IU should prioritize, as it strives to make campus a better place. 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