By: Fannie Wanker<\/p>\n
Strange times are with us, and nobody really knows what the market is going to do. Buy, sell, hold, equity, valuation: these are all words that can make one appear to know what they are talking about when discussing the stock market. Unfortunately, the market for yellow bundles of joy can be much more fickle. Chances are, you\u2019re probably a happy-go-lucky liberal arts student with little to no knowledge of the market or what it will mean for your precious fruit stash. But don’t fear. You have an entire armful of lemons, and we’re going to make sure you don’t let this opportunity go to waste.<\/p>\n
Your first question might be about where you got all of these lemons. There is an extensive analysis that the Kelley School of Business teaches its finance students when evaluating the past performance of lemons, unfortunately I’m a marketing major so we’re gonna skip past that for right now. Let’s just assume life gave them to you. They are very heavy however, and you are carrying them in a very inconvenient fashion, so let’s clear up any confusion you may have over what to do with these miniature orbs of sour energy.<\/p>\n
Most traditional schools of thought would recommend you use your lemons to make lemonade. Professor of Finance for the Kelley School of Business Tom Rearick told Flipside that he recommends holding all lemons until the future of Minute Maid is sorted out after accusations surfaced that their lemonade takes longer than a minute to prepare. Under usual circumstances our analysts would agree, but given the recent election of a citrus skinned president, we believe the circumstances are far from usual.<\/p>\n
Flipside rates all lemons as SELL, with recommendations to reinvest all earnings into the orange market.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Fannie Wanker Strange times are with us, and nobody really knows what the market is going to do. Buy, sell, hold, equity, valuation: these are all words that can […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":593,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[145],"tags":[204,282,279,280,281],"class_list":["post-591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-business","tag-business","tag-investing","tag-lemons","tag-stock-market","tag-wallstreet","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/lemons.jpg?fit=1800%2C772&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-9x","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":917,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/11\/14\/skyrim-switch-port-proves-bethesda-can-sell-literally-anything-as-many-times-as-they-want\/","url_meta":{"origin":591,"position":0},"title":"Skyrim Switch Port Proves Bethesda Can Sell Literally Anything as Many Times as They Want","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 14, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Sutton Lee Seymour ROCKVILLE, MD - Last Saturday, Nintendo released Skyrim for its new Switch console, finally proving that companies can re-package any successful product as many times as they want and people will still buy it. Bethesda, the company responsible for Skyrim, stated its commitment to porting the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Business"","block_context":{"text":"Business","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/business\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Bethesdas-Rolling-in-It.jpg?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Bethesdas-Rolling-in-It.jpg?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Bethesdas-Rolling-in-It.jpg?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Bethesdas-Rolling-in-It.jpg?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Bethesdas-Rolling-in-It.jpg?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":588,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/02\/06\/bloomington-buses-to-crack-down-on-fake-student-ids\/","url_meta":{"origin":591,"position":1},"title":"Bloomington Buses to Crack Down on Fake Student IDs","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 6, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Joe King BLOOMINGTON, IN -- This past Thursday, Bloomington Transit released an official statement asserting that the service will be increasing its security measures to prevent the use of fake Indiana University IDs. The bus service currently provides fare-free transit to all IU students who present their university IDs\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/bus.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/bus.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/bus.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/bus.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/bus.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1310,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/11\/26\/breaking-tinder-to-release-new-app-to-set-up-arranged-marriages\/","url_meta":{"origin":591,"position":2},"title":"BREAKING: Tinder to Release New App to Set Up Arranged Marriages","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 26, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Naluesh\u00a0Ho & Jake Spear LOS ANGELES, CA \u2013\u00a0Trying to appeal to a new demographic, Tinder has decided to culturally appropriate the Indian subcontinent with their new app for facilitating arranged marriage: Tindarrange. Distancing itself from hookup culture, Tinder has decided to appeal to a whole new market. The real\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Science & Technology"","block_context":{"text":"Science & Technology","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/science-technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1505,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/04\/08\/bloomington-natives-stock-up-on-supplies-to-prepare-for-annual-little-500-hibernation\/","url_meta":{"origin":591,"position":3},"title":"Bloomington Natives Stock Up On Supplies to Prepare for Annual Little 500 Hibernation","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 8, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By Barry Vile and Cleetus Haversham Bloomington natives found stocking up on supplies to prepare for annual Little Five hibernation As the countdown to Little Five week continues, more and more Bloomington natives like John Wine are starting to stock up on supplies to prepare for Little Five. \"After my\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/little_5_bunker.jpg?fit=858%2C536&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/little_5_bunker.jpg?fit=858%2C536&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/little_5_bunker.jpg?fit=858%2C536&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/little_5_bunker.jpg?fit=858%2C536&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":551,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/01\/17\/op-ed-im-pissed-so-many-people-are-put-in-jail-because-its-ruining-my-dating-prospects\/","url_meta":{"origin":591,"position":4},"title":"OP-Ed: I’m Pissed So Many People are Put in Jail Because It’s Ruining My Dating Prospects","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"January 17, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Hermynn Bae Wells As I sit on Tinder for the fifteenth time today, contemplating the possibility of sleep, my fingers tremble with each swipe. The \u201cNew Match!\u201d orange graphic pops in front of my eyes, bringing me the familiar rush of dopamine and affirmation. Unfortunately, this feeling has been\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/16107614_1329744100401936_1673954345_o.jpg?fit=1101%2C734&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":814,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/09\/25\/18-great-ways-to-exploit-your-roommates-fear-of-confrontation\/","url_meta":{"origin":591,"position":5},"title":"18 Great Ways to Exploit Your Roommate’s Fear of Confrontation","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"September 25, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"You use their toothbrush, borrow their clothes, and haven't bought your own food in a month. That's a great start, but here are some other proven ways to make sure your roommate never trusts you, or themselves, ever again. Shag your girlfriend in front of them Annex more closet space\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Education"","block_context":{"text":"Education","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22016691_1588681361174874_1740429666_o.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/591","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=591"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/591\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":592,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/591\/revisions\/592"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/593"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=591"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=591"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=591"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}