By: Joe King<\/p>\n
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Several of the nation\u2019s top climate scientists were discovered tied up and gagged in one of the closets of the White House early Friday morning.<\/p>\n
The climatologists had been held in the small storage room since inauguration day and had only been able to stave off dehydration by condensing the building\u2019s abundance of hot air.<\/p>\n
So far, the police have been unable to identify the perpetrator. According to the D.C. police chief, there were too many suspects inside the White House at the time known to have a motive for silencing the scientific community.<\/p>\n
\u201cOur administration was horrified to discover that such an incident had occurred within these walls,” said the White House Press Secretary in an official statement. “I would like to assure the public that next time the bodies will be disposed of properly.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Joe King WASHINGTON, D.C. – Several of the nation\u2019s top climate scientists were discovered tied up and gagged in one of the closets of the White House early Friday […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":595,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3,4],"tags":[269,255],"class_list":["post-594","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-politics","category-science-technology","tag-climate-change","tag-science","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/WHscientists.jpg?fit=1200%2C936&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-9A","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":584,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/02\/01\/kentucky-land-values-skyrocket-in-anticipation-of-becoming-ocean-front-by-2020\/","url_meta":{"origin":594,"position":0},"title":"Kentucky Land Values Skyrocket in Anticipation of Becoming Ocean-front by 2020","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Hermynn Bae Wells In anticipation of global climate change ravaging our dear Mother Earth, realtors and future homeowners have jumped at the astounding opportunity for real estate. While other parts of the U.S. are expected to be experiencing flood and drought-like conditions, Kentucky natives are bracing to be the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Business"","block_context":{"text":"Business","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/business\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/hillbilly.png?fit=522%2C358&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1460,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/03\/04\/climate-change-schlimate-shange-nasa-to-move-earth-into-jupiters-great-red-spot-to-really-give-us-something-to-bitch-about\/","url_meta":{"origin":594,"position":1},"title":"Climate Change, Schlimate Shange!: NASA to Move Earth into Jupiter\u2019s Great Red Spot to Really Give Us Something to Bitch About","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 4, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jack Peebis Last week, in a rebuke to increasing climate change denial in Congress, leading NASA scientists unveiled a new potential solution to the problem: teleporting the entire planet to Jupiter. \u201cWe are done. We are fucking done,\u201d said David Larry, Head of NASA\u2019s new program. \u201cWe do years\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/NASADoomsEarth.jpg?fit=516%2C387&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":223,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2015\/10\/23\/victim-of-cannibalism-asking-for-it-by-looking-tasty\/","url_meta":{"origin":594,"position":2},"title":"Victim of Cannibalism \u201cAsking for It\u201d by Looking Tasty","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"October 23, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Penny C. Bubblegum A young man in a white tank top that was consumed last night at a house party is now being accused (post-mortem) of causing his own demise from over-applying AXE body spray, commonly known to entice the\u00a0cannibal\u00a0communities. The partiers were alerted by the overwhelming smell of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/cannibalparty.png?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/cannibalparty.png?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/cannibalparty.png?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/cannibalparty.png?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/cannibalparty.png?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":995,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/02\/20\/iu-researchers-discover-earth-has-reached-perfect-levels-of-global-warming\/","url_meta":{"origin":594,"position":3},"title":"IU Researchers Discover Earth has Reached Perfect Levels of Global Warming","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 20, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Bismo Falcor and Ariel Gold BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Following two spectacular 70 degree days in the middle of February, a team of IU environmental science researchers discovered that Earth has reached perfect levels of global warming. \u201cWhile it is clear that the rate of greenhouse gases being released into\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/20141017_FJG-IUB-02845.jpg?fit=768%2C512&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/20141017_FJG-IUB-02845.jpg?fit=768%2C512&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/20141017_FJG-IUB-02845.jpg?fit=768%2C512&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/20141017_FJG-IUB-02845.jpg?fit=768%2C512&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1566,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2020\/04\/27\/tvs-doc-mcstuffins-criticized-after-statements-regarding-coronavirus\/","url_meta":{"origin":594,"position":4},"title":"TV\u2019s Doc McStuffins Criticized After Statements Regarding Coronavirus","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 27, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"By Dr. Warvernortzer NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Damn, these TV doctors just can\u2019t seem to quit, huh? Famed television doctor Doc McStuffins appeared on Fox News\u2019 \u201cHannity\u201d two nights ago and controversially called for an end to statewide lockdowns across the country, claiming to have found a cure for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/56c16575fc824b0d9b9a9b4074b2d6be.jpeg?fit=1200%2C676&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/56c16575fc824b0d9b9a9b4074b2d6be.jpeg?fit=1200%2C676&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/56c16575fc824b0d9b9a9b4074b2d6be.jpeg?fit=1200%2C676&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/56c16575fc824b0d9b9a9b4074b2d6be.jpeg?fit=1200%2C676&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/56c16575fc824b0d9b9a9b4074b2d6be.jpeg?fit=1200%2C676&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":156,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/23\/scientists-find-alternative-universe-where-youre-not-such-an-asshole\/","url_meta":{"origin":594,"position":5},"title":"Scientists Find Alternative Universe Where You’re Not Such An Asshole","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"August 23, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Flip Flipoutski Jubilance swept across the world as researchers at the newly reopened Large Hadron Collider discovered a parallel universe where you are not such a massive prick to everyone all the time. \u201cIt is one of the most momentous discoveries of all time,\u201d said Jack Kerrigan, chief of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/asshole.png?fit=824%2C544&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/asshole.png?fit=824%2C544&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/asshole.png?fit=824%2C544&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/asshole.png?fit=824%2C544&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/594","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=594"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/594\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":596,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/594\/revisions\/596"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/595"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=594"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=594"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=594"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}