By:\u00a0Jonathan Pollock<\/p>\n
\nWICHITA FALLS, TX\u00a0— A recent study in the prestigious journal Suck It, Nerd! Quarterly has found that, contrary to popular opinion, losers suffer the most at the hands of bullies.
\n“After careful analysis of hundreds of bullying incidents, we’ve found that, regardless of age, education level, race, ethnicity, gender, socioeconomic status, geography, leisure activities, sex, and virginity, being a loser means you are significantly more likely to be a victim of bullying,” stated Dr. Richard Wang, who nervously glanced over towards his associate, Nelson “Atomic Wedgie” Brunel, throughout our interview.
\n“Cut with the geek speak, Wang – ha, Wang – tell the man what you told me,” said Mr. Brunel as he slammed his fist on the table.
\n\u201cF-F-Furthermore, those losers will, we found, suffer the most at the fis-hands of bullies,\u201d continued Dr. Wang, visibly jumping at his colleague\u2019s gesture.
\nSchool officials across the nation reported feelings of glee and lightheartedness at the study\u2019s findings.
\n\u201cWe\u2019ve been running these anti-bullying campaigns for over a decade,\u201d says Dr. Oak N. Switch, superintendent of Fairway United County Schools. \u201cWe\u2019re all tired of defending these kids against the psychological and physical toll that bullying can exact. FUCS just doesn\u2019t have anything more to give. This study means I can finally sit back in my chair and do even less work for more than double the salary of those lazy-ass teachers.\u201d
\n\u201cHonestly, I always thought most of those kids were losers anyways. I say \u2018good riddance.’\u201d
\nNew lines of inquiry include the torque required for the perfect purple nurple and the likelihood that you will stop hitting yourself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By:\u00a0Jonathan Pollock WICHITA FALLS, TX\u00a0— A recent study in the prestigious journal Suck It, Nerd! Quarterly has found that, contrary to popular opinion, losers suffer the most at the hands […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":659,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[304,306,308,310,309,135,305,307],"class_list":["post-658","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-science-technology","tag-bullying","tag-fuck-joke","tag-geek","tag-loser","tag-nerd","tag-new","tag-study","tag-texas","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/school-bullying.jpg?fit=1240%2C775&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-aC","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1021,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/03\/06\/breaking-student-running-cockfighting-ring-out-of-dorm-room-cites-loophole-in-roommate-agreement\/","url_meta":{"origin":658,"position":0},"title":"BREAKING: Student Running Cockfighting Ring Out of Dorm Room Cites Loophole in Roommate Agreement","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Cleetus Haversham BLOOMINGTON-- Following the trail of blood and feathers leading from Gresham Dining Hall to the Foster Hall B Tower, Bloomington PD recently apprehended freshman Justin Stevens, for operating a cockfighting ring in his dorm room. BPD was forced to ultimately release Stevens without charges after he pointed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cockfighting_rig.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cockfighting_rig.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cockfighting_rig.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cockfighting_rig.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cockfighting_rig.jpg?fit=1080%2C719&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":364,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/09\/07\/family-of-roaches-discovered-in-memorial-stadium-locker-room-a-sign-of-good-hope-for-football-team\/","url_meta":{"origin":658,"position":1},"title":"Family of Roaches discovered in Memorial Stadium Locker Room a Sign of Good Hope for Football Team","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"September 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Barry Vile and Bismo Falcor Following the discovery of a fast-multiplying family of cockroaches in the Memorial Stadium locker room, experts and fans have been gearing up for the most successful year of Indiana University football in decades. This discovery comes roughly three weeks after a mantis appeared in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/roach.jpg?fit=1046%2C530&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/roach.jpg?fit=1046%2C530&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/roach.jpg?fit=1046%2C530&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/roach.jpg?fit=1046%2C530&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1573,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2020\/05\/02\/5-things-sitcom-characters-got-away-with-that-got-me-institutionalized\/","url_meta":{"origin":658,"position":2},"title":"5 Things Sitcom Characters Got Away with That Got Me Institutionalized","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"May 2, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Why does everything work out for these losers!? By Jimmy Christmas 1. Starting my own spinoff series (Joey from Friends) When Joey from Friends left all his friends and family with no explanation to literally go to the other side of the country, not one person questioned it. So, what\u2019s\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/SitcomInstatutionalized.png?fit=1050%2C750&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/SitcomInstatutionalized.png?fit=1050%2C750&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/SitcomInstatutionalized.png?fit=1050%2C750&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/SitcomInstatutionalized.png?fit=1050%2C750&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/SitcomInstatutionalized.png?fit=1050%2C750&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1492,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/03\/25\/new-study-on-womens-health-strangely-lacking-a-male-perspective\/","url_meta":{"origin":658,"position":3},"title":"New Study On Women’s Health Strangely Lacking a Male Perspective","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 25, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By K.C. Jones In recent weeks, a new study investigating the link between women\u2019s social media interactions and breast cancer development is being criticized by many for its lack of male inclusion. Andrew Dean Rockwell, a Fox News contributor, commented on the study: \u201cLook, I get it. It\u2019s 2019, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Politics"","block_context":{"text":"Politics","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/politics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/womens-health-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C721&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":519,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/12\/06\/purdue-sleeper-agent-discovered-in-kelley-hostage-crisis-ensues\/","url_meta":{"origin":658,"position":4},"title":"Purdue Sleeper Agent Discovered in Kelley, Hostage Crisis Ensues","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"December 6, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jug R. Not Professor Bersching\u2019s financial accounting class was abruptly halted yesterday when a student\u2019s audible joke about Purdue University activated the programming of a Krannert School of Management sleeper agent posing as one of their own. The young man instantly began cutting off access to any exits from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/download.jpg?fit=850%2C681&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/download.jpg?fit=850%2C681&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/download.jpg?fit=850%2C681&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/download.jpg?fit=850%2C681&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":986,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/02\/09\/researchers-fear-iu-greek-houses-could-become-endangered-by-2030\/","url_meta":{"origin":658,"position":5},"title":"Researchers Fear IU Greek Houses Could Become Endangered by 2030","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 9, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jonathan Pollack and Bartholomew Bortles BLOOMINGTON, IN--A recent study conducted by the IU office of Sustainability suggests that Greek houses, if not managed properly, could become endangered by 2030. \u201cOver the past decade, we have seen that the Greek system\u2019s rising rates of charter revocations, bodily-fluid emissions, and assault\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/DJyzdkFXcAE59Gz.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/DJyzdkFXcAE59Gz.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/DJyzdkFXcAE59Gz.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/DJyzdkFXcAE59Gz.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/658","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=658"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/658\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":660,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/658\/revisions\/660"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/659"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}