By: Pink Freud<\/p>\n
VATICAN CITY — In an official statement issued by the Holy See, His Holiness the Pontiff Pope Francis affirmed the centuries old church doctrine that God is a straight-up bro. Emerging from the Man Cave of St. Peter and wearing a backwards skull cap, Pope Francis greeted practitioners with a lax nod and a soft \u201csup.\u201d
\n\u201cAfter conferring with ecclesiastical doctrine,\u201d the Pontiff announced, \u201cI\u2019ve come to the conclusion that God is actually a pretty chill guy. As the Bible says, the heavenly father is totally down with righteous dudes (The Book of Caleb 4:20). No question–he\u2019s always good for knocking back some holy spirits and angel wings with his bros on Sundays, in reverence of the sacrament of game day.\u201d
\nThough the statement does not mark a theological break from tradition, Pope Francis has motioned for the introduction of communion kegs and the addition of Guns \u2018n Rose\u2019s \u201cParadise City\u201d to the Easter Liturgy.
\nWorshipers gathered at St. Peters basilica expressed mixed sentiments on the Pope\u2019s statement.
\n\u201cI\u2019m making mad righteous gains,\u201d reported Brother Chad of the Order Penitentes. \u201cLike my bros say, pain is sin leaving the body.\u201d
\nHowever, Sister Maria of the Our Lady of Faith Convent disagreed. \u201cThe 239th Catechism, as codified by John Paul II in 1992, explicitly states that the Holy Trinity transcends considerations of gender, and that masculine, or for that matter feminine language can\u2019t adequately describe the identity of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The gendering of God is more related to cultural dogmas and the gendered grammar of ecclesiastical languages than to theological consensus. So no, I wouldn\u2019t say that \u2018The big man is dripping in testosterone.\u2019 \u201d
\nIn his continuing efforts to reach out to interfaith leaders, the Pontiff has taken proactive steps in organizing initiatives such as “Brewskis for my Jewskis,” and “Allah at Your Boy.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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