{"id":822,"date":"2017-09-27T21:48:15","date_gmt":"2017-09-27T21:48:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/?p=822"},"modified":"2017-09-27T23:31:50","modified_gmt":"2017-09-27T23:31:50","slug":"iu-freshman-learns-more-in-3-days-in-cave-than-he-will-in-4-years-of-college","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/09\/27\/iu-freshman-learns-more-in-3-days-in-cave-than-he-will-in-4-years-of-college\/","title":{"rendered":"IU Freshman Learns More in 3 Days in Cave than he will in 4 Years of College"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/del>By: Bismo Falcor and Aesthetic Danger<\/p>\n

BLOOMINGTON, IN – Following an ordeal that left him trapped in a cave for 3 days, local freshman Lukas Cavar was left pondering if there\u2019s anything he could possibly learn in the next 4 years that could be more useful than what he just survived.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell do I do for the next 4 years?\u201d Cavar asked during his interview with Flipside. \u201cHow can I possibly convince myself that memorizing jargon-y vocab words like \u2018guiding concept sophistry\u2019 or the French translation for \u2018I like to go ice skating\u2019 will hold any sort of bearing on the rest of my life? What do I put on my resume other than \u2018survived 3 days alone in a goddamn cave?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

However, President McRobbie was quick to defend his cherished institution.<\/p>\n

“Of course we provide students with the skills they need to succeed! I can\u2019t believe this was ever in question!” He continued, “However, I do think Cavar had some very valuable experiences, and we should attempt to replicate them in the classroom. For that reason, I am announcing a new major in apocalypse survival. Students will learn how to collect moisture using wrappers and stay sane while wandering back and forth in the darkness. We’re even offering North Korean dialect classes!”<\/p>\n

At press time, Cavar had just gotten back from the basement of Swain West, where he slept after being sexiled by his roommate.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt actually wasn\u2019t that bad. There were vending machines and water fountains, and my time in the cave made me feel like it was Briscoe.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*This article has been published with the permission of Bloomington badass, Lukas Cavar.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By: Bismo Falcor and Aesthetic Danger BLOOMINGTON, IN – Following an ordeal that left him trapped in a cave for 3 days, local freshman Lukas Cavar was left pondering if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":823,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[299,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","category-local","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22054258_10214334517946281_1491035157_n.png?fit=427%2C640&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-dg","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":737,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/05\/local-student-struggles-to-meet-freshman-health-requirement\/","url_meta":{"origin":822,"position":0},"title":"Local Student Struggles to Meet Freshman Health Requirement","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 5, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Barry Vile BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Following a relaxing spring break and a moderately active semester, freshman with a high metabolism Sterling Wilson has just one focus on his mind to close out the semester: gain fifteen pounds of pure, greasy fat. \"Evidently I have to put on the freshman\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/DennysBro.png?fit=1056%2C660&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/DennysBro.png?fit=1056%2C660&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/DennysBro.png?fit=1056%2C660&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/DennysBro.png?fit=1056%2C660&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/DennysBro.png?fit=1056%2C660&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1093,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/04\/18\/little-500-accident-drunk-student-walking-near-sample-gates-causes-5-person-pile-up\/","url_meta":{"origin":822,"position":1},"title":"Little 500 Accident: Drunk Student Walking Near Sample Gates Causes 5 Person Pile-Up","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 18, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jake Spear After accelerating too quickly through the Indiana Kirkwood crosswalk, Junior Ethan Willis collided with Sophomore Jessica Barthum. 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