By:\u00a0Chip MountGummery and Bismo Falcor<\/p>\n
SILICON VALLEY – Despite the obvious fact that technological advancements in the field of transportation are occurring at an exponential rate, the executives at Segway Inc. are still somehow convinced that they are leading the charge into the future.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe at Segway believe that the effortless movement provided by our product is the only way forward,\u201d said CEO of Segway Inc. Rufus Charlson, as he pulled 50 informational pamphlets out of his fanny pack. \u201cSegways are incredibly accessible, very mobile, and the ladies LOVE them. They come in a wide variety of colors, and we even offer an American flag wrap, so you can represent the greatest country on earth, in style!\u201d he exclaimed as his wife popped her third aspirin. <\/span><\/p>\n Head engineer Orville Wonderberg, also discussed some of the future plans for the \u201cworld famous\u201d dicycle. <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOur latest project is developing a Segway that is capable of being driven on interstate highways,\u201d Wonderberg excitedly told reporters. \u201cIt will be powered by an inline Kawasaki motorcycle engine that will be able to take this bad boy from 0-60 in 3.2 seconds. <\/span>Fun fact: you can fit up to 32 of these puppies in the space a normal car takes up. How\u2019s that for environmentally friendly?<\/span>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n However, the Segway still has its detractors, including billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk, who has yet to fall for the company\u2019s plans.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI guess they\u2019re pretty handy for getting around my 20,248 sq. ft. home, but unless they can get me from San Francisco to Los Angeles in 35 minutes going 700 mph and they give a good blowjob, I\u2019m not interested,\u201d said Musk before leaving in his solar-powered self-driving car.<\/span><\/p>\n At press time, the executives at Segway Inc. were\u00a0seen preparing their third attempt at\u00a0being featured on the television show Shark Tank.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By:\u00a0Chip MountGummery and Bismo Falcor SILICON VALLEY – Despite the obvious fact that technological advancements in the field of transportation are occurring at an exponential rate, the executives at Segway […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":842,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-841","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-science-technology","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/fort-worth-segway-tours.jpg?fit=1600%2C921&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-dz","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/841","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=841"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/841\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":846,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/841\/revisions\/846"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/842"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=841"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=841"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=841"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}