By:\u00a0Robbie McMichael<\/p>\n
BLOOMINGTON, IN \u2013 There I was, enjoying a typical evening at Mother Bear\u2019s, when as I was reading the scrawny handwriting on the back of the booths, my eye caught the window. On that window I saw the restaurant\u2019s logo. More than the logo, I saw Mother Bear\u2019s massive rack. And I felt things. I felt confusion, betrayal, but most of all, I felt horny. Horny for a cartoon bear.<\/p>\n
\nI know what you\u2019re thinking\u2014this isn\u2019t some furry shit. This is not a pattern of behaviors. I just glanced over and knew I wanted to serve Mother Bear a hefty slice of extra sausage pizza, but soon this lust turned into something much deeper.<\/p>\n
\nThis moment led me on a long mental journey which spanned many months. My every waking thought revolved around that voluptuous Mother Bear. Why are her bear-boobs so big? Why does this logo have sideboob? Don\u2019t bears have several nipples? Is that an apron or a dress? Then the questions turned more personal. Why is she a Mother? Is there a Father Bear? What about a Baby Bear?<\/p>\n
\nFinally, I couldn\u2019t take it anymore, and decided to do some investigating. I found that Father Bear actually lives down 3rd at the Ale House. It\u2019s depressingly typical. A man finds a beautiful, talented woman and forgets her for the bottle\u2026.Not to mention the children! With Father Bear at the bar every day and night and Mother Bear working to support the family, who is raising the children?<\/p>\n
\nWell, Mother Bear, if you\u2019re reading this, I care. I would love to join your family. I would happily stay at home, and look after the children unlike that parasite of a husband. I\u00a0will give you a slice of commitment, with extra love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By:\u00a0Robbie McMichael BLOOMINGTON, IN \u2013 There I was, enjoying a typical evening at Mother Bear\u2019s, when as I was reading the scrawny handwriting on the back of the booths, my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":860,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[145,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-866","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-business","category-local","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/u_KRbqqz_400x400-e1508170728496.jpg?fit=400%2C237&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-dY","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1310,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/11\/26\/breaking-tinder-to-release-new-app-to-set-up-arranged-marriages\/","url_meta":{"origin":866,"position":0},"title":"BREAKING: Tinder to Release New App to Set Up Arranged Marriages","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 26, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Naluesh\u00a0Ho & Jake Spear LOS ANGELES, CA \u2013\u00a0Trying to appeal to a new demographic, Tinder has decided to culturally appropriate the Indian subcontinent with their new app for facilitating arranged marriage: Tindarrange. Distancing itself from hookup culture, Tinder has decided to appeal to a whole new market. The real\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Science & Technology"","block_context":{"text":"Science & Technology","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/science-technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Tinder_Arranged_Marriage%4015x.png?fit=1200%2C857&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":90,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/20\/from-samoas-to-the-slammer-its-how-the-cookie-crumbles\/","url_meta":{"origin":866,"position":1},"title":"From Samoas to the Slammer: It’s How the Cookie Crumbles","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"August 20, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Constance T. Nopel I spotted her pigtails from across the parking lot. Wide, blue eyes with hair ribbons to match. She was clever, this one. A drug dealer of the sweetest kind, openly peddling her overpriced goods to the withdrawn addicts. Her neatly stacked boxes in her red wagon\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Business"","block_context":{"text":"Business","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/business\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/evilgirlscout1.jpg?fit=350%2C216&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1517,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2019\/04\/17\/obituary-peepee-the-cat-did-more-for-humanity-than-you-ever-will-dear-reader\/","url_meta":{"origin":866,"position":2},"title":"OBITUARY: Peepee the Cat Did More for Humanity Than You Ever Will, Dear Reader","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"April 17, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"By K.C. Jones and Sutton Lee Seymour This week, we lost a legend--a bastion of hope in the world; the loudest, most beloved voice of history and of humanity. No, I'm not talking about the Notre Dame cathedral. This is something much more important. On April 15th, 2019, humanity lost\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/p-cat.png?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/p-cat.png?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/p-cat.png?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/p-cat.png?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/p-cat.png?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":455,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/11\/03\/isis-declares-ceasefire-in-order-to-watch-new-season-of-walking-dead\/","url_meta":{"origin":866,"position":3},"title":"ISIS Declares Ceasefire in Order to Watch New Season of ‘Walking Dead’","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 3, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Penny C. Bubblegum ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has ordered a ceasefire while his men scrambled to find a computer that hadn\u2019t been bombed to pieces so they could check out the latest season of The Walking Dead. \u201cI really enjoy the way Negan handles his prisoners,\u201d al-Baghdadi\u00a0told reporters.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/14959159_1251082868268060_1598148598_o.jpg?fit=1015%2C669&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/14959159_1251082868268060_1598148598_o.jpg?fit=1015%2C669&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/14959159_1251082868268060_1598148598_o.jpg?fit=1015%2C669&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/14959159_1251082868268060_1598148598_o.jpg?fit=1015%2C669&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":321,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/03\/03\/your-ted-cruz-horoscope\/","url_meta":{"origin":866,"position":4},"title":"Your Ted Cruz Horoscope","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"March 3, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Hermynn Bae Wells After finding out that Ted Cruz was (allegedly) the Zodiac killer, we read the stars. Here's what we found: Aries \u00a0Mar 21 - Apr 19 As your full moon comes to a close, you will feel a rush of energy as the month comes to end.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Entertainment"","block_context":{"text":"Entertainment","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/entertainment\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/ted-cruz-smarmy.jpg?fit=630%2C352&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/ted-cruz-smarmy.jpg?fit=630%2C352&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/ted-cruz-smarmy.jpg?fit=630%2C352&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1003,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/02\/23\/13-lesser-known-olympic-events-for-those-that-dont-care-about-curling\/","url_meta":{"origin":866,"position":5},"title":"13 Lesser-Known Olympic Events for Those That Don\u2019t Care About Curling","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"February 23, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"While the Olympic Games in Pyeongchang are nearly finished, there's still time to watch some amazing feats of athleticism! However, if Curling isn't your thing, check out Flipside's list of lesser known olympic events! \u00a0Sled-less Bobsledding Ever wonder what it would be like to watch a large shirtless Serbian man\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports"","block_context":{"text":"Sports","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/sports\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/unknown_olympic_sports.jpg?fit=600%2C399&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/unknown_olympic_sports.jpg?fit=600%2C399&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/unknown_olympic_sports.jpg?fit=600%2C399&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/866","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=866"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/866\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":867,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/866\/revisions\/867"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/860"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=866"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=866"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=866"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}