So you didn’t go to class for a 2 weeks and it turns out that was pretty important for passing your midterms. Or maybe you went to class the whole time and it just turns out you weren’t cut out for a degree in Underwater Basket Weaving. Either way, your parents are asking about your exams, and nobody wants to deal with the fallout of telling them how you just wasted a couple thousand of their dollars. Here are our top picks for making sure you don’t have to confront your parents about school, or anything, ever again.<\/p>\n
1. Ride the 9 bus until you get kicked off in the middle of nowhere. Walk into the sunset, and don’t look back.<\/p>\n
2. Expose your frat\u2019s hazing rituals and join the Witness Protection Program<\/p>\n
3. Join Caving Club<\/p>\n
4.\u00a0Swap your phone with an international student and wait for them to fly back home for break<\/p>\n
5.\u00a0Go to Uganda to save the child soldiers<\/p>\n
6.\u00a0Sit in the Denny\u2019s parking lot at 4:00 a.m. and wait for the inevitable<\/p>\n
7. Send your credit card info to the Nigerian prince that keeps emailing you for help<\/p>\n
8. Delete all forms of social media except Whisper, then drop your phone into Lake Monroe<\/p>\n
9. Post a Craigslist ad that lists your address<\/p>\n
10. Go on a Chinese Tourism trip to North Korea<\/p>\n
11. Hide in Dunn Woods. Make a suit of mud and leaves. Become the new Bloomington Cryptid.<\/p>\n
12. Become the new IU Hoosier mascot<\/p>\n
13. Upload your consciousness to a cicada and live in a bush<\/p>\n
14. Fake your death by launching a realistic looking mannequin off the roof of Eigenmann, then pitch a tent in the Wright service elevator.<\/p>\n
15. Refile your HIPAA agreement so your mom can\u2019t see your grades. You don’t have to overthink fucking everything. Maybe this is why you failed your midterm.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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