Thanksgiving is just around the corner, which means you will be sitting directly across the table from Aunt Barbara. As much as you truly love that she drove in from Martinsville, you know there are certain things you shouldn\u2019t discuss around her. Here is the Flipside guide to erasing any doubt in their mind that you love Jesus and being straight!<\/p>\n
Avoid wearing rainbows, and stick to red, white, and blue!<\/strong> Don\u2019t eat any of the food she makes, so that she complains about that instead!<\/strong> Don\u2019t be afraid to steer conversation towards her 3rd divorce!<\/strong> Pretend to choke on your food if the conversation topic becomes political!<\/strong> Remind all family members to praise Jesus at the end of each social interaction!<\/strong> These tips should be all you need to make sure Aunt Barbara never finds out you\u2019re a 500 on the Kinsey Scale. And remember, if worst comes to worst, you can always tell her you\u2019re going celibate for Jesus. Happy Thanksgiving!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Thanksgiving is just around the corner, which means you will be sitting directly across the table from Aunt Barbara. As much as you truly love that she drove in from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":923,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-local","has_thumb"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Avoid-coming-out-to-your-aunt.jpg?fit=628%2C314&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-eR","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1263,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/10\/25\/breaking-student-wearing-headphones-totally-desperate-to-get-to-know-you\/","url_meta":{"origin":921,"position":0},"title":"BREAKING: Student Wearing Headphones Totally Desperate to Get to Know You","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"October 25, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By: B. Snee BLOOMINGTON, IN \u2013 Thursday afternoon, student Nathan Walker tried to start a conversation on a bus with a stranger, Jessica Thompson, who was wearing her headphones at the time. Thompson could not express her gratitude fast enough, quickly whipping off her headphones and engaging in a deep\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/she_doesn_t_wanna_talk_to_u_bro.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/she_doesn_t_wanna_talk_to_u_bro.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/she_doesn_t_wanna_talk_to_u_bro.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/she_doesn_t_wanna_talk_to_u_bro.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/she_doesn_t_wanna_talk_to_u_bro.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":344,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2016\/08\/31\/area-freshman-reviled-by-fellow-students-for-thinking-school-colors-are-red-and-white\/","url_meta":{"origin":921,"position":1},"title":"Area Freshman Reviled By Fellow Students For Thinking School Colors Are Red and White","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"August 31, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By: Jacopo Inboden BLOOMINGTON, IN--Flipside has just received word that local first-year Hoosier, Kaylee Wellington, still thinks that Indiana University\u2019s school colors are red and white after attending more than a week of classes. Wellington was last spotted browsing the Union Bookstore with fellow Hoosiers, where she was overheard telling\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Local"","block_context":{"text":"Local","link":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/category\/local\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/14159748_1179193595455841_1316289584_n.jpg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/14159748_1179193595455841_1316289584_n.jpg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/14159748_1179193595455841_1316289584_n.jpg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/14159748_1179193595455841_1316289584_n.jpg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1278,"url":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/2018\/11\/01\/warning-with-halloween-drawing-to-a-close-the-defenses-holding-back-mariah-carey-are-at-their-weakest\/","url_meta":{"origin":921,"position":2},"title":"WARNING: With Halloween Drawing to a Close, the Defenses Holding Back Mariah Carey Are at Their Weakest","author":"Hoosier Flipside","date":"November 1, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"By:\u00a0Picov Andropov and Jake Spear THE ICE REALM, Asgard \u2013 As winter \u2018proaches nigh, and the elder gods stir, Mariah Carey thunderously warms up her vocal chords, hastily chipping away at fall's defenses against her resounding pop chorale. 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Nopel TAMPA, FLORIDA- After receiving a Darling Dino Plush for her eighth birthday, second grader Abigail Willis reportedly created her first Webkinz account, not knowing that this decision would mark the beginning of her lifelong struggle with internet addiction. 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\nIf you walk in wearing rainbows, she might begin to question your sexual orientation. However, wearing red white and blue will show her that America will always be the first thing in your heart.\u00a0This is\u00a0the perfect opportunity to break out the full American flag outfit she got you for your birthday 2 years ago!<\/p>\n
\nYou probably know from previous meals that the only thing Aunt Barbara hates more than sodomizers are people who don\u2019t clean their plates. Eat as much as you want, but make sure that your plate is always full of food. She will focus on that, and NOT your relationship status.<\/p>\n
\nOnce you get Aunt Barbara talking about Ronald, you know there\u2019s no turning back! She will go on and on about that fat, no-good, Chevy Shitbox drving, meth dealing son of a bitch, completely forgetting about the rumor that you\u2019re still single!<\/p>\n
\nHearing Aunt Barbara give her thoughts on the first year of the Trump presidency will definitely be challenging, especially as you\u2019re trying to maintain your secret. You might feel the urge to lash out against her, but that would undermine your hope to hide from her. By pretending to choke on your food, you can put a stop to that conversation. Be sure to really sell it!<\/p>\n
\nNot only will this show her that you\u2019re deeply devoted to Jesus, but that you\u2019re willing to inspire others to follow this as well! Just make sure you don\u2019t burst into flames as you say his name, which might cause your plan to backfire.\u00a0Bonus points if you can cite the exact bible verse that says that men shall not lie with other men!<\/p>\n