By: Jonathan Pollack<\/p>\n
BLOOMINGTON, IN — Last night, IUPD apprehended Jimmy Johnson, a local freshman who was caught taking a giant bite out of the corner of the IMU gingerbread house.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat we have here is criminal vandalism on unparalleled levels. Not only did the suspect deface a beautiful work of modern architecture, he also destroyed the private residence of Tony and Ginger Breadman. The department is investigating whether or not there is sufficient evidence to charge the suspect with a hate crime.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe were just sitting at home watching Shrek, when all of a sudden I heard this crunching sound,\u201d said Mr. Breadman. He continued, “I also believe our house was specifically targeted because of the way we were baked. Do you see people biting holes in human roofs? There is no doubt in my mind it\u2019s because we\u2019re Breadmen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s bad enough RPS is charging us on-campus housing prices, but now this?\u201d said Mrs. Breadman.<\/p>\n
Following the attack, the entire student body was alerted to the crime via an IU Notify alert sent hours after the crime as per the Clery Act, and the IMU was evacuated.<\/p>\n
When asked for comment, Johnson instantly admitted guilt, but claimed he was low on meal points and didn\u2019t think it was that big of a deal.<\/p>\n
Mr. & Mrs. Breadman were shocked by Johnson\u2019s callousness and lack of remorse.<\/p>\n
\u201cFirst they take a bite out of our house \u2013 next thing you know, they\u2019ll be selling us down the hall in a bakery.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By: Jonathan Pollack BLOOMINGTON, IN — Last night, IUPD apprehended Jimmy Johnson, a local freshman who was caught taking a giant bite out of the corner of the IMU gingerbread […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":951,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/hoosierflipside.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/AA48EF61-AED8-44DA-8D44-F51A0B0767D1.jpeg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7b5Hd-fk","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/950"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=950"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/950\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":958,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/950\/revisions\/958"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/951"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=950"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=950"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoosierflipside.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=950"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}