By: Bismo Falcor<\/p>\n
IU administrators announced Monday their radical new plan to construct a brand new Big Fucking Hole, directly on the current site of the IMU. The final decision was made by Sir Reginald Dunn, head administrator at IU. He said this was the biggest construction project this campus has undertaken since the 10-story Ballantine Hall staircase, followed five years later by Ballantine Hall. \u201cI am not a believer in the word \u2018destruction.\u2019 I see this as more of an enhancement of the facility,\u201d Dunn said. These changes mean students would no longer have to deal with so many of the current IMU\u2019s issues, such as the lack of down-escalators, a cafeteria that only takes Campus Access\u00a0and the fact that it kind of looks haunted at night. Sources indicate that the Big Fucking Hole will feature numerous amenities, such as mud floors, dirt walls and study areas furnished with nutrient-enriched\u00a0earth material. Authorities said the hole will be approximately 40 feet deep in all areas, in the exact same shape of the current IMU, and will eat up approximately 45 percent of the university\u2019s annual budget. There have been many vocal critics. The majority of the complaints refer to its lack of a Starbucks. Junior Colton Minter expressed his thoughts regarding possible, but highly unlikely resulting inconveniences, bitching, \u201cAm I the only sane person left on campus? They\u2019re tearing down the IMU, and digging a Big Fucking Hole. It\u2019s a Big Fucking Hole. Like, in the ground. In the middle of everything. We are going to have to walk around it if we want to get anywhere.\u201d When asked for his response, Dunn swiftly replied, \u201cYes, exactly.\u201d Minter continued, \u201cThey\u2019re not even planning to build stairs. Or a fence. People are just going to fall in. What the hell is the matter with everybody?!\u201d Digging will begin next Thursday.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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