By: Jonathan Pollack

BLOOMINGTON, IN– President Michael McRobbie announced on Tuesday that, as part of new Phase 3 construction across campus, brick pathways throughout campus will be replaced with polished marble in an effort to further reduce friction for pedestrians. “The IUSA conducted surveys show that, even with literally any amount of condensation, brick paths on the western side of campus become too easy to walk on, especially during winter months,” said President McRobbie in a Flipside-exclusive press release. “We’ve met with student leaders on campus, and reached a solution: replacing brick paths with polished marble.”

IU Student Association President Dan Niersbach explained how the administration reached its decision. “When President McRobbie reached out to me to discuss his plan to make it more difficult for students to walk around on campus, I was elated. IUSA is and has been one hundred percent unified in its vision of replacing already-slick brick surfaces on campus with even smoother marble surfaces.”

IU Physics Professor Kobe Ficcient gave his support for replacing brick paths with polished marble in parts of campus he never goes to, stating “The plan is more in line with the IU promise which values reducing the electromagnetic force that repels us and focusing on the strong nuclear force that binds us all together. With less friction between students and the ground, students are much more likely to collide, bringing the IU community closer and closer together.”