By: Jake Spear

It’s election day at IU, and that means it’s time to get out and vote for one of 3 nearly identical tickets who just want to pad their resumes so they can get into law school. To help make your meaningless decision, here’s Flipside’s guide to the muddy, and strangely petty world of college politics.

Voice: This campaign is about numbers. Lots of candidates. Lots of accountants. Lots of Kelley School of Business. If you like your student government like you like your real government, run mostly by white dudes claiming to represent everybody, then this is the campaign for you.

REFORM: Their name is in all caps because REFORM is like that little sister who screeches loudly about her plans for her Barbie Dreamhouse. She means well, but she just doesn’t seem to get it when you say you don’t care about the social hierarchies within My Little Pony. REFORM is a decent choice, but you could always not vote and just give the campaign staff a pat on the back, your validation will be just the participation trophy they need.

Unite: Unite is the dark horse in this election. Orchestrated by Bloomington’s homeless population, Unite about trying to represent constituents not currently involved in IUSA. For too long, IU students have had too much control over IU student government. Unite wants to change that, empowering the homeless of Bloomington to participate in campus politics. Because who says the crazed stalker who moved into town just to capture a glimpse of Jesse Eisenberg shouldn’t have a chance to voice his opinion? Or even the communist vegan couple, who are just trying to raise their kid named Moonstone? Vote Unite if you believe everyone deserves to be represented in IU government, regardless of whether they go to IU or not.

In the end, student government might not matter. But what does matter are the hopes and dreams of these college students who have their pride and their parents’ money on the line. So fulfill your civic duty, open your email, and vote for that person who has never spoken to you but handed you a flyer in class yesterday.