By: Fredrick Venus

BLOOMINGTON, IN: Last Friday, a noise complaint became a living nightmare after sophomore Rob Smithson threatened responding officers with a call to his father.
“We responded to the noise complaint at around 2:10 AM,” recounted Officer Richard Johnson. He continued, beginning to shed tears, “Upon approaching the house, we were met by a large male who responded by aggressively puffing his chest out in our direction. The large male then informed us that if we didn’t leave he would call his father, an attorney who would, ‘sue us to shit.’ In all of my years on the force, I have never felt so threatened.’
The Indianapolis regional SWAT team issued a statement regarding the event, stating, “Officer Johnson called us in an almost hysterical state. We dispatched our team to the scene immediately. We take threats to call parents very seriously. Hurt feelings are our number one priority in these situations.”
Roughly 4 days after the incident, Smithson uploaded his own response in a poorly spellchecked statement uploaded to Instagram, stating, “These guys can’t come up and mess with my party like that, man. My Dad did not pay my out-of-state tuition for this kind of shit to go down, and dammit, I’m glad I called him.”
In court, Mr. Smithson will be represented by his father, Jacob Smithson, in a landmark case set to “prove to Bloomington PD that injustice against upper-middle class white men will no longer be tolerated.”