Greg Gianforte Receives C- in Putin’s Seminar on Media Suppression
By: Jonathan Pollack
MOSCOW–After a contentious special election in Montana, new information has revealed that Republican Representative-elect Greg Gianforte received a C- in the Fall 2016 Seminar on Media Suppression, taught by Vladimir Putin.
In a recent leak of FERPA-protected materials, the Hoosier Flipside was given exclusive access to the Republican’s educational information. On the class’ final project, Gianforte was reportedly docked points for not finding someone else to take the blame, leaving target Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs alive, and lacking in style.
“I was totally surprised by his lack of drive and interest in the subject,” said Philippines President and class AI, Rodrigo Duterte. “For example, if I was asked about why so many reporters die in my country, I’d just say that they’re corrupt and deserve it, and that’s the end of the story. Gianforte, or Jeannie, as Professor Putin called him, would just throw himself in head-first without even caring about the result. Hell, he barely even shows up to class.”
The course syllabus, which covered topics such as “The Truth and Why You Should Hate It” and “So You’ve Had That Reporter Shot – What Now?”, was meant to be a place for inquisitive fascist minds, according to the course description.
“Gianforte? Oh, you mean Jeannie! Such a terrible student,” Vladimir Putin said. “Most of the time, when I give a student a C- on our “Social Media: A Politican’s Greatest Friend (And Liability)” exam, they shape up. Jeannie didn’t have the brains to do anything more than respond to random Youtube comments. He’s no Donnie T, that’s for sure.”
Gianforte was reportedly caught shrugging after receiving his report card, mumbling ‘C’s get you elected, bitch’ before wadding it up and throwing it in the Kremlin’s Cold-War era incinerator.