Op Ed: You Know, I’m Really Starting to think that Bill Clinton DID have Sexual Relations with that Woman
By: Connor Reagan
You know, I really am beginning to think that President Bill Clinton did have sexual relations with that woman. It’s been about fifteen years, but the more I think about it, the more it begins to make sense. Maybe it’s the media. Maybe it’s the internet. Maybe it’s Hillary’s twisted Bulldog-in-heat face that makes me think, “Damn, there is no way Bill could have been satisfied with her for this long.” Call me crazy, but I am not so sure about the stability of that marriage.
Then again, maybe Bill did not have sexual relations with Monica. I mean, he was in a committed marriage trying to manage the country’s toughest job. I know it might be one of the most stressful jobs in the world, but c’mon, just because a young, beautiful twenty-four year old woman approaches you and offers a much needed stress relieving blowjob doesn’t mean he had to take it! Bill Clinton is an upstanding man who always treats women with respect. It would be hard to dispute that. He was very clear: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” In fact, the sincerity of Bill’s plea to the American people was so believable that Hillary herself used that speech for herself! Everyone remembers her famous speech, right? “I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again. I did not keep classified emails on that private server. I never told anybody a lie, not a single time-never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for my own selfish gain. Thank you.” Hillary would never mirror her husband’s speech if something did transpire between Bill and Monica.
But then again… twenty-four year old Monica Lewinsky was quite the looker. She really knows how to pull off a nice dress. If only Hillary could look as great as Monica does in blue. Hmmm. But really I’m just being a little harsh on Hillary. She isn’t so bad looking. Just ask Ambassador Chris Stevens – she’s heavenly.