Trump Brings Giant Wooden Horse as Peace Offering During Trip to Mexico
By: Joe King
MEXICO CITY — Wednesday afternoon, fading presidential candidate Donald Trump arrived in Mexico to meet with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and presented him with a giant wooden horse as a peace offering. The entire endeavor had been considered a last ditch effort on behalf of the Trump campaign to salvage any possible relationship with the Mexican government. Trump first paraded the massive mare monument around the center of the nation’s capital to symbolize his devotion to this new partnership.
However, Mexican citizens remained unmoved by the gesture, with English teacher Jose Marquez calling it, “inconveniently large and astoundingly tacky.” He continued, “There’s nothing like pulling out of your driveway, hoping for light traffic on your way to work, only to find a massive wooden horse blocking the roads in all directions. Some of us have places to be.”
After Donald Trump and his entourage (horse and all) made their way around the city, the business mogul met with President Nieto to present to him the gift horse, asking him not to look it in the mouth, or in any other opening for that matter. Members of the President’s staff later reported that Nieto was shocked, but too confused to question the incredibly white man’s intentions.
Onlookers noted how hard it must have been for Trump to pull the massive wooden beast, due to his teeny-tiny hands. Following his meeting with the Mexican President, Trump retreated back to America, appearing eager to return to a nation he didn’t think was filled with rapists and murderers.
As soon as the Trump campaign jet had left Mexican airspace, the large wooden horse began to tremble as an opening then appeared on the horse’s underside. One by one, hundreds of Mexican immigrants began emerging from the inside of the spacious stallion statue. President Nieto looked on in horror as he realized that his people had been forcibly packed into the giant structure and gifted to him under the pretense of peace. When the last man emerged from the horse, he ran over to the president and handed Nieto a slip of paper.
“Here’s the bill for the horse,” he said.