By: Joe King

BLOOMINGTON, IN–Indiana University administration announced this week that, in 2017, the Kelley School of Business will introduce a new degree program that will allow certain students to major in spending their parents’ money. At the press conference, dean Idie Kesner revealed that Kelley’s decision to offer this major was driven by the hopes of attracting “…students from higher-income families, who might contribute more to the school financially. With the additional funding, we might finally be able to afford that golden statue of Mark Cuban!”

Kesner went on to describe how important it is to meet the demands of its students.

“The fact of the matter is that many of these students just don’t need to learn economics or finance; the most essential skill they will ever need to know is how to access their trust fund.”

IU later revealed a selection of the classes that will be specific to the new major. They include:

  • BUS-F101: Introduction to Asking Daddy for Money
  • BUS-C350: Country Club Communications
  • TNDR-M445: Advanced Trophy Wife Selection
  • SLST-P102: Posh as a Second Language
  • YAT-M103: Basic Yacht Maintenance
  • JAP-S203: Jewish American Princess Studies
  • BUS-A203: Trust Fund Accounting
  • BUS-L303: Inheritance Law

“I feel I could learn a lot from this new program,” said Richard Ellingsworth, a student in Kelley’s prestigious investment banking workshop. “Sometimes it’s difficult to choose between buying another Mercedes or trying something new with a Ferrari, and I hope these new classes could teach us how to make these difficult decisions.”