By: Constance T. Nopel

DELPHI, INDIANA— In the wake of widespread protests against police brutality and discrimination, the Delphi Police Department announced Tuesday its efforts to better meet its town’s diversity by hiring Nate Sanders, a notable community man with a black friend.

“This is an initiative driven by the community people,” stated 44-year old Sam Edwards, Delphi Chief of Police. “It’s about people seeing things from different perspectives. Hiring our first Caucasian male with such an astounding insight into urban culture is our police station’s first step in the right direction.” Edwards paused, glancing quickly around him, and continued in a lowered voice, “It’s practically like having a black guy himself, but without the need to be politically correct around the office!”

Sam Edwards explained that he had hoped this decision would reflect that the police force was really changing—that the color of your friend’s skin should not hold you back. “I’m not racist, but does this mean we’ll need to start filling the water cooler with grape Kool Aid?”

At press time, the new recruit, 22-year old Nate Sanders, was reportedly eager to share his expertise about the common African American male with the rest of force. “I mean, he’s half black, but that’s close enough, right?”

Since new recruit Nate Sanders was hired by the force, the Bureau of Justice statistics has predicted that police brutality in Delphi, Indiana towards “good friends” of black Americans will decrease by 75 percent.

However, the police force has reportedly been reluctant to hand him anything more than a nightstick. As Edwards explained, “It might be a little bit of time before we can trust him to carry a gun because of his connections to—well, you know.”