By: Fannie Wanker

Flipside has received reports that former Theta Chi Social Chair, Dave Buchanan, has informed the world of his true hipster personality following his tweet about Bon Iver’s song ‘Skinny Love.’
“Skinny Love is okay, but it is just way too overplayed,” stated Buchanan, sparking his brave coming-out story. In a follow-up by our reporters, we were able to get the following statement on the subject: “I am a hipster. And now that I’m old enough to go to the bars, I don’t have to care what my brothers think so they’ll buy me liquor. I can finally get rid of these hideous boat shoes, hang up my vinyl collection, and enjoy some nice craft brews from a place I know outside of Cleveland that you probably wouldn’t recognize. ”

The tweet made by Buchanan was well-received, garnering 12 likes and 1 retweet from his longtime best friend Alex Fear. “While I had a hunch, I was never quite sure,” Fear told reporters. “When he started re-tweeting a bunch of stuff about the importance of beard oil, I knew something was up, but I figured I would let him take his time. I didn’t want to put any more stress on him than what I’m sure he was already experiencing.”

Though initially fearful of backlash from his parents, Dave was reassured when they told him that they were more than happy to stop paying for his semester dues and alcohol fund. “It is a hard decision to hear your son has made. We weren’t quite sure how to take it at first, but we can still tell he’s the same old Dave we raised,” his mother informed reporters. She continued, “He’s just kind of a douchebag now about the things he likes.”

When asked about how he feels this decision will impact his future, Dave told reporters he thinks a less party-heavy life will be good for him. “I’m ready for some PBR, man-buns, and going to house parties once a month while on horse tranquilizers. It’s time that I finally show my true self.”