By: Joe King and Barry Vile

BLOOMINGTON, IN – Indiana University freshman and former high school try-hard T. Churspet has already submitted the final paper for his ENG-W131 (English Composition) class on just the second day.

The student remarked that he would have turned in the paper on the first day, but “the syllabus didn’t specify which font size was appropriate.”

The whole event has caused disturbance among the professors in the English department who are completely shocked that a mere freshmen was able to compose a functional five-page paper without completing the aforementioned 16-week course on paragraph transition wording.

Upon further investigation however, it appeared that T. Churspet had merely submitted a duplicate of his Purdue application essay.