By: Robbie McMichael

BLOOMINGTON, IN- Last Tuesday the Indiana University Department of Religious Studies hired campus preacher, Brother Jed, as an associate professor. Due to Brother Jed’s controversial opinions, this appointment has drawn criticism from student groups, who cite their right to “not be screamed at” during class.

Head of Religious Studies, Marion Smith, countered these concerns, stating, “Brother Jed represents an increasingly prominent voice in our socio-religious landscape and we would be doing our students a disservice by ignoring it. It’s critical that students are exposed to perspectives which demean them. High schools have bullies to enforce the regressive status quo, but IU doesn’t have anyone presenting viewpoints that insult our students, which is why we decided to step in.”

Brother Jed was a natural choice for the position, after becoming a campus icon for his passionate speaking style, featuring lectures on human sexuality. Notably, students have found his rants of, “WHORE WHORE WHORE,” to be particularly rousing.

Brother Jed has expressed excitement about his new position, stating, “I cannot wait to reach the butt-munchers and monkey-spankers inside of this liberal institution. I know most of these students are just one harshly worded lecture away from a paradigm shift, to viewing their fellow students and loved-ones as filthy sodomites.” After this statement, Brother Jed had one of his supporters lash him 15 times “to repent for talking to a secular journalist.”

Presently Brother Jed is working on a syllabus for his course about “Practical Ministry” focused on his own style of preaching: standing in the middle of campus, screaming.
However, not all students oppose this appointment. “I am beyond excited about Brother Jed being a new professor,” said Second-Year Religious Studies Student, Morgan Thomas. “Observing Jed in his natural habitat will be the greatest anthropological research project imaginable. What an opportunity to learn from a master! He might not believe in anthropology or research, but he’ll certainly provide a learning experience.”
Brother Jed will start Fall of 2018, welcomed to the faculty at an honorary dinner featuring a screening of God’s Not Dead, with exclusively white, heterosexual attendees.