Tinder Dos and Don’ts
By: Flipside Staff
DO put your least attractive pictures first – if they were willing to swipe right on your half-drunken, no-makeup selfie, they’ll stick with you for life
DO be upfront with the marital status of your parents – this will help them know what to expect from you!
DO include naked baby photos – people want to see you at your cutest, and it’s all downhill from there
DO include your bank statement – unless, of course, it’s empty
DO talk about your sexual history – especially if it’s long, extensive, and satisfying 😉
DO talk about how you’re a Kelley D.A. – it’s the most impressive thing that has ever and will ever happen in your short miserable life
DO include the names of your future children – bonus if they’re a fun Western respelling, like Kayghlinne
DON’T have pictures of your dog – they don’t wanna date your dog! Anyone who only wants you for your dog is not worth having.
DON’T smile – it conveys weakness and you will be steamrolled by Natural Selection soon
DON’T ask them about their interests – people would much rather talk about their Roblox K.D. ratios
DON’T compliment them – every person they’ve talked to has probably already complimented them, you need to keep it real
DON’T say anything about yourself – ask deep, probing questions about their vaginal dimension
DON’T discuss your various achievements in life – it makes you seem narcissistic, your failures are much more telling
DON’T be clear about your intentions – they’ll be attracted to the mystery