7 Things To Do With Your Unopened Finite Textbook
By: Robbie McMichael
Finite Mathematics, M118, The Devil’s Class. Whatever you call it, we’ve all suffered through. Now that the semester is over, you’re stuck with a $100+ textbook that you never opened and never will. So we’ve listed some useful ways to repurpose it to get some bang for your buck!
1. Build a TV stand: God knows you can’t afford an entertainment system, so why not use that sucker for something more important than a good GPA: binge-watching Big Mouth.
2. Bind it together with your roommate’s finite book and use it as a test of strength: Which roommate will triumph in a contest of shitty financial decisions?
3. Make it the world’s most expensive toilet paper: Just wipe your ass with that baby. It’s not like the shit you put on it is any different from the shit that’s written inside it.
4. Add it to your Ramen for flavoring: Regular ramen can get bland after a while, so go ahead and spice up your noodles with some locally-bound Cartesian products!
5. Snuggle with it at night: We know you’re sad and lonely and you need a partner to keep you warm at night. Who says that partner needs to be a person? Why can’t it be a book explaining the basics of probability, statistics, and linear programming?
6. Rip out some pages for kindling: In your Bob Cratchitesque existence, it’s tough to hold your own against life’s oppressive reality. Make your life just that bit more bearable by building a fire out of probability practice problems. (Hint: the odd answers are in the back of the book!)
7. Save it for next semester, when you retake the class: Maybe it’s the fact that your professor didn’t speak clearly, or maybe it’s the fact that you never even bothered to open your textbook, regardless, you’re going to fail this class. So save yourself some money and keep this book for next year.