By: Jacopo Inboden

BLOOMINGTON, IN — Last Thursday, Foster RA Peter Johnson was shocked to find that his dorm floor’s whiteboard went a full 45 seconds without being covered in drawings of hairy, ejaculating penises.

Johnson told Flipside reporters, “I wiped off the board, took a piss, and when I came back it was absolutely clear! It had been at least 45 seconds, maybe even a full minute!” Johnson exclaimed. He went on to explain that the typical time it takes between cleaning off his dorm’s whiteboard and the appearance of a flurry of throbbing cocks is anywhere between 10 and 15 seconds.He continued, “I don’t even know how they do it.  I mean, these guys seem to barely ever leave their dorm rooms as it is, but somehow, when it comes to drawing veiny meat slabs on my whiteboard, they’re relentless.”

After having discovered he still had a blank board to write on, Johnson returned to his room and retrieved a marker so he could write an announcement about the floor’s upcoming game night. Upon his return, he was disappointed to discover that the board had been entirely covered with drawings of bulging erections.

Defeated, Johnson grabbed his eraser and attempted to remove the dozen or so weiners which had been crudely drawn all over his board. However, no matter how hard he pressed, the collage of phalli refused to budge.

“I can’t believe it!” He exclaimed, “Those fuckers actually used a Sharpie!”