Divorce Rate Skyrockets Following Successful Dad’s Weekend
By: Fannie Wanker
Carmel, IN — Indianapolis divorce lawyers have seen a huge upswing in divorce filings following what can only be described as a successful Dad’s weekend. While some have met the news with sadness and desperation, Zeta Alpha Mu sophomore Brad Berg has expressed intense excitement at the possibility of experiencing two Christmases this coming winter.
In an exclusive Flipside interview, Berg boasted, “This was by far the most legendary weekend I could’ve possibly imagined. Dad and I went shot for shot together before he took his shirt off and pissed all over a cop car! Those girls from Sigma Kappa sure seemed to take a liking to him as well.” He continued, “Sure, the public intoxication charge will lose him his job, and spending the night in a sorority probably ruined his marriage, but that just leaves us more time to pound some Yaegerbombs!”
Divorce attorney Gimme Halfurshet says that business has never been better for divorce lawyers. “Church attendance is at an all-time low. Combine the lack of moral aptitude with the emerging popularity of dad-bods, and you have yourself an absolutely riveting divorce season.”
Flipside analyst Jacopo Inboden has noticed small increases in divorce filings after large-scale campus events in the past, but nothing of this scale.
“It’s almost as if thousands of dads strategically coordinated a massive extramarital orgy of biblical proportions.” He continued to note that divorce rates often grow by several points before they decrease. “Now that there are so many dismayed wives out there, expect Mom’s weekend to be even crazier.”