Jacobs School of Music Accepts First Air Guitar Performance Major
By: Jacopo Inboden
Indiana University’s Jacobs School of Music has just announced the acceptance of its very first Air Guitar Performance Major, a young man named Chaz Rodriguez. “You know, man, I guess it’s pretty dope being the first,” Chaz told reporters last Friday. When asked about the bold decision, the Jacobs School’s Director of Admissions Espen Jensen clarified, “We really want as many people as possible to pursue their dreams of being famous musicians, no matter how ‘unconventional’ their talents may be. And trust me, Chaz is…different.” When asked about his decision to audition on air-guitar as opposed to an actual instrument, Chaz informed Flipside that the amount of practice was simply too much. “My parents paid some dude to teach me some stuff, but he kept telling me to practice. Like shit, man. How am I supposed to make time for that when I’ve got school and friends and shit.”
Due to some pushback in the school of music, things weren’t looking up for Rodriguez’s music career. However, once Jensen intervened, he finally got the opportunity he hadn’t worked hard at all for. Chaz reflected, “They all thought I was some kinda’ hooligan playing a joke at first, but man, after I finally got my phone working and got some Hendrix goin’ I knew I had them hooked.” When asked what it was that really pushed him past all of the others who auditioned, Mr. Jensen revealed that it was Chaz’s natural showmanship that got him accepted. “He clearly had no idea how to actually play the guitar, and it was pretty uncomfortable waiting for him to turn off the porn that was already loaded on his phone. But once that solo hit and he started flipping his hair back and forth as he dropped to his knees, we knew we had something special.”
However, Mr. Rodriguez’s future with the school is still yet to be determined following allegations of performance-enhancing drug use after photos of him smoking a joint with his air drummer surfaced on Facebook.