By: Bismo Falcor

BLOOMINGTON, IN – In the past few hours, scientists on America’s East Coast have been baffled by mysterious sightings of lights in the sky that closely resemble rays of the sun from our solar system. If they are correct, this would signify the unlikely beginning of another day/night cycle on the small blue planet.

“This is absolutely unbelievable,” said NASA scientist Norman Howell. “When I looked out the window, I thought I was hallucinating. I sprinted down to the lab, and started working to determine the cause of this spectacular event.”

Sources have confirmed that people in Britain have witnessed the same thing, but with a slightly higher intensity, however the Flipside is still awaiting word from researchers in the Los Angeles area.

Howell and his fellow researchers determined that this was one more instance of the Earth’s rotation and axial tilt affecting its exposure to the sun, the star whose gravity keeps the planet suspended in space. However they are still unaware of how these forces have managed to overpower the destruction of Earth’s environment, the crumbling of its infrastructure, and the increasing power of unqualified world leaders.